Bliss You

Is Social Media Boxing Us In?

2011-05-18T03:30:00.000+03:00

After reading the great article, Top 5 Reasons To Tweet, a few discussions about this with my husband, and months to mull this over without a chance to sit down and write (thanks, baby girl!), I'm left with a question.

How does today's 20-something market himself in a world that (in my opinion) hasn't caught up? Social media marketing repeatedly requires someone to sum himself up in a one-liner. Which, for my grandfather, for instance, would have been easy. Expert maritime lawyer. Done. But today, we're not so willing to sum ourselves up--most people I know are more interested in developing a variety of often totally unrelated interests.

Take, for instance, my friend Faryn's Twitter profile (she's funny for money, so this has to be): "One ninth of the sketch comedy group Harvard Sailing Team. One half of the baking co. Fanny & Jane. One third of a casting team. So-so at fractions."

My point exactly.

So how would I sum myself up?

I could go from my professional side and pick: elementary school teacher or website producer.
I could go from the family side and write about being a wife and/or young mother.
I could go from the spiritual side and brand myself based on my interest in Torah learning and Jewish philosophy.

I doubt anyone is looking to find a tweeter with that particular combination, but I'm loathe to drop any one of them. I'd like to develop each into an expertise over time, and while I don't need to tweet about the progress Adina is or isn't making with her crawling, I do think that being a work-at-home mom involves its own challenges, and Twitter is a great place to get support and ideas. Obviously continuing to work on the internet and hopefully becoming more of an expert in website development and design lends itself well to Twitter. And if, though this is far-fetched, I ever get my act together to start putting together regular classes or blogs on Jewish thought, that is something I would certainly want to share.

Does/did anyone else have this issue?

Breaking News: Baby Sucks Thumb!

2011-02-27T07:26:00.001+02:00

3 months. Enjoy!

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The song I sang throughout my pregnancy...

2011-02-17T02:05:00.000+02:00

Don't know much about you
Don't know who you are
We've been doing fine without you
But, we could only go so far
Don't know why you chose us
Were you watching from above
Is there someone there that knows us
Said we'd give you all our love

Will you laugh just like your mother
Will you sigh like your old man
Will some things skip a generation
Like I've heard they often can
Are you a poet or a dancer
A devil or a clown
Or a strange new combination of
The things we've handed down

I wonder who you'll look like
Will your hair fall down and curl
Will you be a mama's boy
Or daddy's little girl
Will you be a sad reminder
Of what's been lost along the way
Maybe you can help me find her
In the things you do and say

And these things that we have given you
They are not so easily found
But you can thank us later
For the things we've handed down

You may not always be so grateful
For the way that you were made
Some feature of your father's
That you'd gladly sell or trade
And one day you may look at us
And say that you were cursed
But over time that line has been
Extremely well rehearsed
By our fathers, and their fathers
In some old and distant town
From places no one here remembers
Come the things we've handed down

Day 1 of Urban Organics

2011-02-16T07:28:00.001+02:00

Its kindof like a CSA.

Tonight's dinner:
Green chard sauteed in evoo, garlic and onion YUM!
Huge red leaf lettuce and spinach salad with lots of toppings and my first crack at my own italian dressing.
Veggie chips- carrots yams and potatoes baked with salt pepper and paprika.
Whole wheat couscous with green olives and cranberries.

Still loooots of veggies to go before next week! More veggie chips and soup and maybe smoothies on the menu....

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What's Adina like?

2011-02-11T03:55:00.000+02:00

Who knows how much of this will be accurate down the line, but we think we see some definite character traits.

First of all, she is, bli eyin hara (literally: "without the evil eye), a very easy baby. She is often described as "gentle," which is the meaning of her name, Adina. (Actually, after seeing this strong correlation, Noach/Omri and I are determined to start naming our children by easy-going character traits.)

I guess all babies seem funny, but I have to say it. Each morning I wake up next to her (I rarely have the energy to get her back into her cradle after nursing at night) and watch her sleep. When she wakes up, if I'm still there, she looks at me and is soon smiling as if we share the most fabulous secret in the world. It's such an adult expression that I forget she's a baby for a while. She loves cooing at people and stuffed animals. Sometimes she'll lie in my bed as I'm getting ready in the morning and just coo at the room.

This morning, after getting up for a few minutes, I was crawling (sick) back into bed and found her sleeping on her back with her arms completely spread open. At not even three months, she's managed to take up my. entire. spot. on the bed.

Oh... and sometimes she smiles like she's laughing at me. I wouldn't be surprised.

New pictures and videos on our Picasa album.

soccerdeentz

2011-02-09T06:09:00.002+02:00

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adinavid

2011-01-31T19:07:00.001+02:00

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TV free.. again?

2011-01-28T03:02:00.003+02:00

Two great discoveries of the day: One, the FlyLady chat where, I kid you not, we cheered each other on all day. Every time I sat down and could have gotten distracted by the computer, I pulled up that tab and within a minute or two I was sent off to do another "mission."

My second great discovery was that I can create a smart playlist on iTunes that plays unheard podcasts. This will be much-used. I re-subscribed to a bunch of NPR stations. I un-subscribed to all the teacher stations. I stayed subscribed to FlyLady. Groupie, I know.

And the failed TV-free home experiment from ages back is a bit back up and running. We now have "weekly goals" in the house (I'm super excited about this). Now when Shabbos comes along, we can see how we did on one specific thing over the last week. One week is just long enough to see what life is like with your goal being implemented, and short enough to stick with it. Well, we agreed to do a shared goal: no TV (well, Hulu) or movies. Man, this one is HARD. But we're almost to Shabbos and I have to admit, I got a LOT more done, did much more reading than I usually do (which still isn't enough but I only have so much down time), and we got to bed much earlier than we otherwise would have. So TV free is awesome. But I am looking forward to catching up on the Shonda Rhimes trifecta.

Vacation!

2011-01-28T03:01:00.000+02:00

Our plans for next year are very up-in-the-air at the moment. One thing that is up in the air is whether or not I will be able to be teaching next year.

So every day off now is like a trial day. Can I do this? Be home with the baby all day?

One concern was whether I would be productive. I learned today to be more specific with my concerns. Oh, I was productive. Six or seven freshly made challot (challah loaves), heaps of chocolate chip cookies, cranberry and cranberry/blueberry scones. Dinner just about on the table, hubs about to walk in the door... this was a full day of work, easily. (Add in taking care of The Deentz and leaving the house tidy after all that baking!)

The problem is, this isn't the kind of productive I meant when I created that concern.

I meant, can I run the house, get good bonding time in with the baby (being a work-from-home-mom hardly pays if you're just shoving a toy in front of the baby and working the whole time) and DO MY JOB from home?

I hope today isn't cause for concern.

I have plenty to be doing and lots of exciting articles going up (stay tuned!). But I just couldn't get myself to stay here in front of the computer. The only argument in my defense is that this chair is AWFUL. I literally start to ache within a minute of sitting down. Maybe it's time to cash in the massage hubs bought me for last Rosh Chodesh........

So there's my conundrum of the day. I've learned how to get off my tush and get to work... but how to stop getting to the wrong kind of work and refocus?

New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths

2011-01-21T16:22:00.000+02:00

From TheOnion.com

New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths

DECEMBER 7, 2009 | ISSUE 45•50

MINNEAPOLIS—A study published Monday in The Journal Of Child Psychology And Psychiatry has concluded that an estimated 98 percent of children under the age of 10 are remorseless sociopaths with little regard for anything other than their own egocentric interests and pleasures.

Data shows that many seemingly innocent children—such as this one—are not to be trusted.

According to Dr. Leonard Mateo, a developmental psychologist at the University of Minnesota and lead author of the study, most adults are completely unaware that they could be living among callous monsters who would remorselessly exploit them to obtain something as insignificant as an ice cream cone or a new toy.

"The most disturbing facet of this ubiquitous childhood disorder is an utter lack of empathy," Mateo said. "These people—if you can even call them that—deliberately violate every social norm without ever pausing to consider how their selfish behavior might affect others. It's as if they have no concept of anyone but themselves."

"The depths of depravity that these tiny psychopaths are capable of reaching are really quite chilling," Mateo added.

According to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, a clinical diagnostic tool, sociopaths often display superficial charm, pathological lying, manipulative behaviors, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. After observing 700 children engaged in everyday activities, Mateo and his colleagues found that 684 exhibited these behaviors at a severe or profound level.

The children studied also displayed many secondary hallmarks of antisocial personality disorder, most notably poor impulse control, an inability to plan ahead, and a proclivity for violence—often in the form of extended tantrums—when their needs were not immediately met.

"Children will use any tool at their disposal to secure gratification," Mateo said. "And as soon as the desire is fulfilled, be it some material want or simply an insatiable and narcissistic desire for validation, they quickly become bored and lose interest in their victims, all the while thinking only of satisfying whatever their next hedonistic craving might be."

Because children are so skilled at mimicking normal human emotions and will say anything without consideration for accuracy or truth, Mateo said that people often don't realize that they've been exploited until it is too late. Though he maintained that anyone can fall victim to a child's egocentric behavior, Mateo warned that grandmothers were especially susceptible to the self- serving machinations of tiny little sociopaths.Mateo added that even when subjects were directly confronted with the consequences of their inexplicable behavior, they had little or no capacity for expressing guilt, other than insincere utterances of "sorry" that were usually coerced.

Despite the overwhelming evidence presented in the study, its findings have been met with heavy criticism from people who associate with children on a regular basis.

Batavia, NY resident and 38-year-old mother Mary Corcoran echoed the sentiments of many other adults who refuse to believe they are sharing their homes with merciless predators.

"Not my Jimmy. Just this morning, he told me I was the best mommy in the whole world," Corcoran said of her son, 5. "In fact, he's been such a sweet little boy this month that Santa just may bring him everything he asks for."

According to renowned child psychologist Dr. Pritha Singh, author ofBorn Without Souls, diagnosing preadolecents as sociopaths is primarily a theoretical interest, as the disorder is considered untreatable.

"We've tried behavior modification therapies, but children actually learn from our techniques and become even more adept at manipulating others while concealing their shameless misanthropy," Singh said. "Sadly, experience has taught us there is little hope for rehabilitation."

"Just look at the way most adults act," Singh added.
TheOnion.com

Bring some beauty into your day.

2011-01-21T16:17:00.000+02:00

Check out the new short by the amazing Meryl&Marina, "Every Day I Wake Up And Try Not To Die."

Amazing filming, performances, and music. And, as it says, "it sounds morbid, but it's not." At 4 minutes, you have no excuse not to watch it.

Watching this reminded me that film is truly an art form, and that most of what I see is definitely NOT art.

Enjoy!

Jerseyku2

2011-01-21T15:55:00.001+02:00

Redeem yourself now

Dirty cold white on my street.

Yes. Snow Day. Well played.

AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!!!

2011-01-21T04:59:00.001+02:00

MUST see!

TED talk on success

2011-01-21T02:19:00.001+02:00

Jersey haiku

2011-01-20T00:28:00.001+02:00

Piles of dirty snow
Chairs save spots to park between
Get me out of here

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Ode to stretch marks

2011-01-13T06:21:00.001+02:00

The baby may as well have scrawled "Adina wuz here" across my torso. Nevertheless, even though I vividly remember my horror over seeing on other mommies the battle scars of pregnancy, I love my shifted shape. Maybe because I got sick of passing for a highschooler, or maybe because this pregnancy was so difficult and scary that to come out unscathed would seem anticlimactic. But my stretch marks remind me that the stork did not do the heavy lifting on our baby girl. I did. Its surprisingly easy to overcome body issues once the body has been repurposed. It is not here for aesthetic pleasure. It housed a life, fed it and protected it and strengthened it. Stretch marks are my evidence of the amazing fact that Hashem had the wisdom to encase our skeletons in something that CAN stretch.

The downside, however, is that I still need to find the motivation to get my body back. Its so hard to be enthusiastic when I am sooo tired. I understand all those daytime talk show women who pointed to their children as when they started to lose control and gain weight. I understand them but do not want to be one of them. Hm... any ideas for inspiration?

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She's teensy!!

2010-11-29T02:10:00.002+02:00

Its not worth trying to update this with everything from the last month of pregnancy, the labor, delivery, first days with her in the hospital, and our first week home. Suffice it to say, its been a whirlwind. These days we are sticking around the house, obsessing over our new little one, and learning to function without sleep. Conclusion... i had no idea a baby could be sooooo tiny!

The Toolbox

2010-09-13T05:35:00.002+02:00

One concept in Jewish thought that I always liked is written about beautifully in the book Woman to Woman (which is based on a series of lectures by Rebbetzin Esther Greenberg). Basically, the idea goes like this: if you were a construction worker with some kind with an intelligent foreman for a boss, you could show up at work one day and, based entirely on what is in your toolbox and where you are, figure out what you are meant to do that day at work. Of course, we are the worker and Gd is the foreman. Our gifts and passions are within our toolbox and our life's circumstances are the setting.

Ok, now that I've butchered that I can move on.

I was recently fortunate to spend a Shabbos meal with some NYU students, including a woman who recently graduated from the same theater program I went to. We discussed our shared feelings of conflict over being theater artists who had become passionate about our Judaism. We came to term our Torah learning a "wakening of the sleeping giant." Inconvenient, but ultimately not something one can ignore. There's a giant in the room. An awake one. That changes the situation.

So here we are, albeit still in two somewhat different places, trying to figure out this delicate balance between our creative gifts and passions and the indescribable beauty of Torah and a Torah lifestyle.

And I think it is starting to be time to check out that back burner which has been caring for my artistic soul for the last two years while I've explored a new part of myself.

While I am happy with the choices I've made and certainly wouldn't take anything back, I am inarguably in a different place than I ever expected to be.

Mentsch tracht, Gott lacht. (Yiddish proverb- Man plans and Gd laughs.)

Forget the Orthodox Jewish bit (if you can fit that pink elephant into the corner for a moment, thank you). How about the married bit? The imminently arriving BABY bit? The--dare I say it--living in SUBURBAN NEW JERSEY bit?

This was not the plan. And I'd spent a good decade crafting this plan. And I spent much of the last two years trying to craft a NEW fabulous plan that would make this all fit neatly together. Way to learn the lesson, self.

And yet, I wouldn't change a thing. No, this is not the route to my Oscar. Nor are we buying our one-way tickets to Israel any time soon. How unglamorous of us.

On the other hand, I am currently engaged in the single most creative act known to mankind. THIS SECOND. And this one.

It's time to accept that this is not the workplace I anticipated. The needs of the world I live in now are not the needs I thought I would one day fill. What I have to offer will not be received the way I had planned out. Nu? It's taken me two years to come to terms with this? I've been observing this phenomenon for all this time without swallowing that pill (which ultimately I don't think is even such a bad pill to swallow!).

It's time to look into the toolbox, get a good lay of the land, and start building.

Thoughts on Pregnancy or... Birth Control For The Weak-Hearted or... Things I'd Post On Facebook But I Think You'd Judge Me

2010-08-26T21:17:00.001+03:00

1. I was under the mistaken impression that an unborn child couldn't keep you up all night.
In reality, I feel like this:

All the time.

2. It used to seem logical that if you were exhausted at 9 PM, you could probably go to bed.
In reality, exhaustion at 9 PM is really just your body playing a cruel trick because really, right before you fall asleep, you'll bounce back and be full of energy until about 3 AM at which point you've read enough about the Salmonella crisis to finally peel your eyelids off your hairline and consider nodding off. Oh, and that Camomile tea (which I haven't been able to sleep one night without) will make sure that you're up again around 5 AM. And wired. Because who can sleep after three nightmares in a row about a missing nursery and nowhere to put the baby? (Why THIS bothers me is a bit confusing... we know we won't have a nursery so it's a moot point. Wouldn't my brain be more entertained with anxiety over birth or car seats?)

3. If a pregnant woman's appetite is supposed to be justified by the phrase "eating for two," I'm taking it upon myself to release this PSA to all expecting women. Sometimes baby invites thirty friends over for a dinner party, and you'll be expected to feed them all. NOW. Gd help anyone who gets in your way.

4. I was also certain until recently that the baby could not get a hold of bricks and Leggos until after the actual birth. But, having reviewed human anatomy and finding nothing that could possibly be so hard and stabby as what's sticking out of my tummy, I'm convinced that somebody's providing toys to baby. And I'm thinking of suing.

Thank Gd for new shoes, new makeup, (so at least I don't look quite as bad as I feel) and a hubby who's learned very quickly that when I stop using full sentences, he's going to be in charge of dishes that night.

And when I never managed a full sentence in the first place, we'll be ordering pizza.

My Reaction to the "Emerging Adulthood" Debate

2010-08-25T18:55:00.001+03:00

Perhaps it's a misnomer even to say there's a debate. It seems that the new phase of "Emerging Adulthood" has been pretty well accepted since the NY Times came out with their article dubbing the 20's as a new phase (remember, adolescence had to be accepted onto the world stage, too--imagine, a world without Wet Seal).

I guess the debate lies more in how we feel about it. Are 20-somethings just more self-involved and immature, or are they boldly exploring their individuality and daring to take risks--wisely, before bringing external commitments onto the scene?

20-something writer Jessie Rosen wrote a great reaction to the Times article, defending her position.

Ultimately, since nobody was a 20-something then and is also a 20-something now, we're just looking at one another's generations and trying to piece together a case for our preconceived notions. Having one good self-absorbed 20-something in your life could tip the scales pretty neatly towards the Times debate.

Lemondrop.com published an article defending my generation with a barrel of additional statistics--look how few are divorced, look how many have higher education. We aren't sitting around waiting for life to come and get us, we just don't have as clear a path to saunter down as perhaps we would have had a generation ago. Global economy, new employment structures, choices choices choices... We're busy doing research.

Ok, so this brings me to my obviously less-traditional perspective on the whole thing. Here I (and hubby) are, married, expecting, with an apartment, a car, weekly errands and even a financial advisor helping us figure out how to save for a down payment! All before we hit the 25 year-old mark! Where did we go wrong? Did we not watch enough commercials growing up?

And are we really just a throwback to an earlier generation?

For full disclosure, I have to say that my comparison is generally with my own parents and they weren't particularly traditional themselves. While they married at about the same age, they were artsy bohemian types more than anything who tried out a few different gigs and living situations (did they prefer the houseboat or the deserted mansion?) and I'd argue that only one of my parents really did settle down in the end--at least, the way the NY Times would want them to.

But I guess my theory on all this is that despite the obvious life decisions that have set hubby and I apart from our peers (who barely recovered from the grown-upness of our marriage only to find me boasting a baby bump) there's a lot that keeps us similar. And not like the generation before us. I think there is something to our generation that we don't take many things as a given. Where to live, for instance. We've spent two years researching and examining communities in a few different countries, trying to make a careful decision about where we let the roots settle, while I think a generation before we wouldn't have even gotten this far away from our parents in the first place--or we'd be much more likely to be hurrying back to familiar territory. Career-wise, I may have landed in a good gig now that I'm teaching, but who knows once we become a family of three. And hubby is still finding himself professionally.

And while we were pretty clear about wanting to be married and start a family right away (and not primarily for religious reasons--we both wanted to be married young and start a family young long before Shabbat meant no TV), I'd argue that in both of our cases that was just as counter-culture a decision (based on where we were coming from and our peer groups) as someone deciding to go live in the Outback for a year and develop her photography hobby. I guess the main difference is that while our peers are being careful to "finish" finding themselves before making any major commitments, we're happy to be going on this search together.

The NY Times and Lemondrop are both using statistics and popular life markers to try and understand the mentality of a generation. From someone who's hitting each milestone in stride (or even earlier), I just don't think that it's as clear-cut as that. I don't think it's so obvious that because our generation is hitting milestones at different times, we're so essentially different--nor that those of us who are hitting the milestones at "traditional" ages are doing it with the same feelings and for the same reasons as the generation before ours.

Frightening article about what's happening to female American peace-activists in Palestine.

2010-07-21T19:01:00.000+03:00

Please share this article with any women you may know who are considering doing this kind of work.

Surprising NY Times Article

2010-07-19T16:42:00.000+03:00

Here's a really interesting NY Times article about the university-created cultural divide between rural white Americans vs liberals and minorities. Really surprising findings.

What do you think? It makes sense to me, being from NYU and remembering a classmate crying because she was so embarrassed to come "out" as a Republican after classes were turned into group-therapy sessions upon the Bush re-election. But that's NYU--the left of the left.

Was your school the same?

Rebbetzin Levitan is a FlyBaby?

2010-07-18T18:30:00.000+03:00

I've written about FlyLady before, but this takes the cake!

Today, Rebbetzin Levitan, super-shadchan, marriage and dating counselor/speaker extroardinaaire, and author of the very popular new book, I Only Want to Get Married Once: Dating Secrets for Getting It Right the First Time, just wrote in a testimonial to FlyLady!

I was so surprised to see this in my inbox! Check it out!

"Dear FlyLady,

The book you are holding would not have been written if not for a very special email I received from you in 2008. I am writing to thank you and to share my experience with you. The words in your email that really impacted me were:

"So how do we stop this sensory overload? We have to pull the plugs! Let's practice turning off and tuning inâ€¦ This is how I wrote my first book. I had made myself a strict routine for the morningâ€¦ My goal was to write ten pages or three hours whichever came first. To accomplish this goal I had some rules for myself."

You then listed a bunch of very important rules including: Doing morning routines, not turning on the email, browser or instant messenger program and most importantly, no answering the phone.

You then wrote, "I started my day at 7:30am by 8:00am. I was ready to start writing and by 11:00am I was finished with ten pages or I worked for three hours. In two weeks I had a manuscript. Do you see what you can accomplish when you turn off the distractions and tune into your brain power.

When I read your email, I was literally blown away. I never heard of someone writing a book in 2 weeks. I was amazed. Now, I had been considering writing a book based on my lecture series on relationships. Many people were pushing me to put my lectures into writing, but I always said, "I don't have time to write a book. I run a lively home, together with my husband. We have a handful of beautiful kids and I also have five teaching jobs. On top of this, I also freelance lecture and counsel people. When exactly do you expect me to write a book???"

All of a sudden, after reading your email, my excuses didn't hold water. If a book could be written in a short time, well then I could do it. I just needed some focused time. So that was it. I said to myself, "If FlyLady could write a book in two weeks, I could write one in four!" And that's exactly what I set out to do.

In June 2008, I sat down to write my book. I wasn't as good with my morning routines as you were. And I didn't stop writing after three hours. Actually, as soon as I started writing I couldn't stopâ€¦ until it all came out. Although I didn't quite make my four week deadline, seven weeks later, I had a manuscript! (Thanks to a lot of patience and support from my husband and kids as well) But FlyLady, if not for you email, I am convinced that I never would've written my book. It was published iin February, 2010 and I have already received a tremendous amount of positive feedback from people who have been helped by my book. This is all in your merit! I cannot thank you enough! Perhaps other people will be inspired to accomplish big projects based on your email together with my response. If you want to print this email as a testimonial, it would be my pleasure.

FlyLady, once again, I have no words to thank you. You are an inspiration to so many people, may you always be blessed with the wisdom, strength, health and good heart that you have to continue making a difference in so many people's lives.
With endless gratitude,

Chana Levitan
Jerusalem Israel"

Where did I leave my keyboard?

2010-07-15T17:27:00.002+03:00

In case you were wondering, Pregnancy Brain for sure exists. I've had three really terrible run-ins with my new identity as a forgetful mom-to-be but (I kid you not) can only remember two of them.

My case began gradually. I found myself walking around the apartment much more looking for things. Every once and a while I do something silly (even before I was pregnant) like look for my glasses while they're on or ask my friend on the phone why I can never find my phone. I think I get that from my father, the classic absent minded professor. So it wasn't so much new levels of forgetfulness, just increased frequency.

But then I graduated.

The first (and therefore most unnerving) situation came up when I was serving Omri juice for breakfast. I opened the fridge, took out the bottle of juice, went to the cupboard, took out a glass.... and the bottle of juice was gone. It was like a maniacal magician was playing tricks on me. So I tried to think of what brilliant place I had thought of to leave the juice while I got the glass... did I put the juice back in the fridge? Is it on the counter somewhere? Maybe I put it on top of the microwave for some reason? I started wandering the whole apartment--the dining room table? The fridge? Again the fridge? Maybe further back in the fridge? ...the FREEZER?

Ok, if you already figured it out, just don't tell me.

I had neatly replaced the glass with the bottle of juice. No logic. No, a bottle of Naked juice will not last long in my cupboard. It took me a good five minutes to find the sucker. I spent the rest of the day scared of myself.

But if I had only known what was in store for me I would have seen the many advantages of that mistake. It was only within our small one-bedroom apartment, so how many places could I possibly need to check? Much more critically... it was PRIVATE.

Not yesterday. Oh, no.

Yesterday, on my way to my milestone halfway-through-pregnancy super ultrasound (healthy, albeit hyperactive baby growing nicely!) I was Miss Efficiency and decided to return our Redbox movie from the night before (Did You Hear About the Morgans? Nothing spectacular, but what we needed.). So I took our Redbox movie, went to the movie rental machine, and returned it. The only problem was, it was the BLOCKBUSTER movie rental machine. So I watched as the machine courteously reported that "No Media Was Detected" and then promptly switched to "Out of Order."

I stared at the machine. I was mortified. I was also multi-tasking (big no-no if you ask my mom)--ironically, by being on the phone... with my mom. And then the yetzer hara reared it's ugly head and I fully embraced his excuses. "This is way too embarrassing, you can't do this, it probably happens all the time, you'll deal with it later but you'll be late for your appointment. Just leave."

I left.

Which, of course, just makes it all the more awkward and embarrassing. Y"h did NOT have my back.

So I spent the very long ultrasound appointment planning my attack and imagining all the old gnarly Dollar Store employees screaming at me for ruining their business and breaking their machine and demanding I buy them a new one.

Luckily, the managers are actually chilled-out twenty somethings. Who, quite frankly, laughed in my face (as politely as one can laugh in someone's face when not laughing is just not an option) when I told them what I'd done. I gave them my name and number, reported the Out of Order machine to Blockbuster (India), and went home. A few hours later I get a call from the next on-duty manager.

"Hi, is this Kayla?"
"Yes."
"This is Somethingorother from Dollar Saver."
"Oh, hi..." (I hadn't really heard him.)
"Yeah, I have your (barely suppressed giggle) Redbox DVD."
"Ohhh. Yes. Yup. Ok. I'll be in shortly. Thank you sooooo much."
(Outright laughter.) "Yeah, ok, see you then."

When I went in, I found Mr. Somethingorother, asked him if he worked there, and then identified myself as "the ditz with the Redbox DVD." He actually finished that sentence for me.

Then he told me it was his opinion that "they make it a Big Red Box for a reason." In as friendly a way as possible.

I guess it's as good a time as any to really understand what they meant in theater school when they said to "check your ego at the door." This is a whole new level.

All I have to say is, thank Gd this baby will be attached to my body for another many months so I don't have to worry about misplacing it.

Gourmet Date Night!

2010-07-15T16:46:00.002+03:00

This week our goal was to get into the food in our fridge, freezer, and pantry that is otherwise getting neglected (I think the falafel mix has been waiting for us to get inspired for almost a year). So date night led to me fishing out the frozen whole wheat pizza dough from the fridge (homemade... yum) and planning a vegetarian pizza (1. I wanted cheese, 2. it's the 9 days so we don't eat meat).

I found this recipe for pesto pizza online and we made it with a few adjustments. Mainly, since Omri couldn't find pre-made pesto or a jar of kosher artichoke hearts, he came home with two huge batches of basil and a whole fresh artichoke. I was totally overwhelmed but it turned out to be the best move possible!

I learned that you can MICROWAVE AN ARTICHOKE! After trimming the top and the sharp tips, taking off any gnarly leaves from the bottom, and cutting the stem, wash it and stick it in the microwave, covered. (The website said plastic wrap but that scares me so we covered it with a piece of wax paper.) 7 minutes. Done. I made a poor-man's hollandaise imitation (good thing my dad doesn't read this blog or I'd be disowned) with margarine, mayonnaise, paprika and lemon juice so we could nosh on the leaves while making the pizza. It was fine, since I wasn't looking so much for it to taste like hollandaise and was just hoping for a compliment for the artichoke leaves. Great parve option, by the way!

Omri checked the basil and we put it into the food processor with fresh garlic and olive oil until it was just perfect.

I also chopped up some veggies (as per the recipe)--green pepper and red onion--and grilled them briefly (not from the recipe but I get nervous putting raw veggies on the pizza since Mark Bittman says not to). After they were done I added sliced olives and chopped fresh tomato. I should have put in the fresh artichoke heart then but forgot!

The (pre-cooked) dough was covered with the fresh pesto, piled high with veggies, then feta, then (when I remembered) the artichoke heart. Here it is mid-process:

And here's the yummy result!

YUM! I highly recommend this recipe to any pizza or pesto lover!

Practical Shoes

2010-07-12T18:24:00.000+03:00

After much thought about last night's traumatic visit to DSW (why do shoe stores seem so exciting and then so quickly become overwhelming?) I started doing some serious online hunting for cute, practical shoes. There MUST be such a thing. For a girl who wears only skirts, a bad pair of shoes is just too prominent a fashion faux-pas.

So here's the wish-list.

These boat shoes by our favorite shoe maker, Merrell, definitely fit the bill. I've never tried on a Merrell shoe that didn't feel fabulous... and this one looks it, too. Six different splendid colors of comfy-yet-dainty shoeage. Swoon.

Dansko shoes strike me as generally too clunky but with the right, nicely tailored skirt and a clever shirt, these could round off a perfect Shabbos outfit without keeping you sitting at home wondering what's going on at the other side of town.

And as gorgeous as these baby blue Born flats are...

true flats must become a thing of the past, at least for another few months. 1 1/2-2" is apparently the way to go when your center of gravity is being gradually pushed forward from the midsection.

An alternative flat would be Crocs Crocband Flat, which I love in navy with red and white accents. Too bad I didn't find these before the 4th of July!

I ended up with a sportier (and apparently no longer available) version of this Mary Jane from Anne Klein Sport. The material on the upper is more athletic, the strap is a smidge further back, and the heel is more sneaker-like, but this gives a general idea. It might not be a match made in heaven, but it's a big step up from my favorite go-to Old Navy flip-flops. My back is thanking me already.

Ok, enough shoes for one day.

Time to put that nesting instinct to use.

Massive three-part picture post... it's been a while!

2010-07-12T05:27:00.004+03:00

PART ONE: The Belly

If authors were honest, books on pregnancy would have these words of advice under "pregnancy fashion"

If you really care, don't get pregnant.

Because it doesn't matter how much money you have and how fabulous the designers are that are making the clothes, eventually you will, like me, find yourself in the -- I have trouble typing this -- Practical Shoes section of DSW wanting to hide your face in shame.

Ah yes! It's out! I did some "advanced calculations" and decided that the chances of anyone but my mom reading this beats the likelihood of running (big belly first) into a friend not-yet-in-the-know so I might as well get the process down on record.

So here's where we've been while I wasn't posting because who can post about anything else when you're GOING TO HAVE A BABY?!? (G-d willing!)

So, here's the little bugger from a few weeks ago... this shirt doesn't fit anymore. That was fast.

PART TWO: The Food

This is for Whitney, who requested photos, here was the massive erev Shabbos cook-off from last week. We had some amazing guests and a really lovely time. I'm a huge fan of making lots at a time, in small batches, and freezing. Here are the 16 baby challahs that I baked. I won't be baking challah again for a few months :)

Or my absolute favorite carrot cake...
(The recipe is no longer online! Such a shame! This cake is packed with raisins, walnuts and, of course, shredded carrots. Deeelicious.)

Ok this chicken is slightly charred... but it's my favorite chicken dish and tasted better than it looks. And this from a girl who's really not a fan of meat. Broiled chicken with Jack Daniels' BBQ sauce and veggies and pineapple mmmmmm...

Potato kugel, which we don't particularly love but goes great if left on top of the chulent pot until lunch on Saturday.

Finally, here's a preview of what I couldn't take pictures of because it was made (or finished cooking) on Shabbos. Our chulent, some amazing fresh cherries, and the pineapple that's left from the chicken which turned into an amazing fruit salad. We also had dips, gefilte fish, a regular romaine salad, an Asian cabbage salad, and another fruit salad. Mmm...

PART THREE: Boston

We went on a fabulous overnight to Boston for 4th of July (although the only thing we DIDN'T do was fireworks!) It was amazing to do the fun road trip, see open roads and SPACE (something we miss dearly in NJ), and get away from our crazy heat wave.

Our view as the sun was coming up on the highway... about two hours into the trip. (We left at 4 AM after a brief nap. Fenway was the next day, which kept us going strong, but we opted to watch the fireworks from the comfort of our hotel room bed.)

We had a difficult time trying to figure out why there were so many parking spots available We spent a good ten minutes looking for hidden signs until we realized we're just not in NY anymore.

Our view from the bleachers at Fenway, by far the highlight of our trip, despite the fact that the Red Sox seemed to think they were also on vacation. That would be the one and only head between us and the (far far back of) the field. Very exciting :)

Obligatory stadium shot. Omri looks so hot in Red Sox paraphernalia.

The highlight of Omri's Fenway foray. Meat and milk vending machines that "cook" your kosher food for you--and you STILL get to pay outrageous ballpark prices! (They were small, but surprisingly good!)

Future Fan t-shirt. Of course I bought it!

Proof that Omri's really a Jewish hippie at heart. He went a night without sleeping to make sure he'd make minyan Sunday morning in Boston, but on Monday, he got to get in touch with his inner Chassid.

Finally, some silly tourist-y pictures to round it out:

Conclusion: road trips are awesome, especially with an Omri.

2010-06-09T17:10:00.002+03:00

Great NY Times article on multitasking and gadget use...

Yum!

2010-03-18T17:21:00.001+02:00

Easy recipe idea (reflecting the last 3 meals at the Levin household!).

1. Chop a TON of veggies (I have something like what you see to the right. I use the grid one so they're teeny cubed veggies.) Mushrooms, yellow and orange peppers, eggplant, carrots, sweet potatoes... whatever is fresh and in season.

2. Night one: serve 1/3 of veggies, seasoned to your liking, on top of your favorite tomato sauce and whole wheat pasta. Top with some yummy cheese. (And, if you're us, dirty martinis!)

3. Night two: put the second 1/3 of veggies on the stovetop. Add mushroom or vegetable broth. Use an immersion blender. Now you have soup! Serve with some garlic bread, couscous, etc.

4. Night three: take the final 1/3 and add to the stovetop. Add (much less) broth. Add a can of coconut milk and blend. You will want to season differently because now you have a delicious curry! Serve with whole grain brown or basmati rice.

Enjoy! YUM!

I get inspired by veggies. Is that wrong?

healthy living

2010-03-10T17:54:00.003+02:00

I just had the most therapeutic kitchen mopping experience ever. Thank Gd. I had no idea how much the kitchen floor was bothering me!!!

So Omri and I know we're in a big learning process. And it truly feels like it some days. I'm learning how to manage a house, feed our little family properly, do errands. On top of that, we're adjusting to a new community and the major lifestyle changes that that includes... especially as neither of us grew up as religious Jews. Finally, I'm learning how to teach... as I do it. Which ends up in nights like last night: 3 hours of cramming over a fifth grade history book to get my head around the differences of the 13 English colonies. Then, once I learned it, how to teach it. Then creating the materials. Thank Gd I love my job but it is not always so easy this first year.

Well, I decided to add another learning curve. Which sounds crazy, but I find that the busier I am, the better I feel. And while this running-a-house-learning-to-teach-learning-to-be-married curve is progressing nicely, it's progressing slowly. In the meantime, I'm finding other things that are lacking.

The TED video I posted yesterday reminded me that we need to really prioritize finding a social group here in town. So hopefully this Shabbat, hubby will be going to the "young" shul in Passaic and I'll follow next Shabbat. That is a good step in that direction. Oh, and an awesome young couple down the road may be coming for a meal next Shabbat as well!

But I'm also less-than-satisfied with our lifestyle, health-wise. I learned at Tisch to love body work, exercise, and healthy living. I want to get back to that. I get all starry eyed walking through Sporting Goods stores and I had a near-religious experience in the Kripalu giftshop. But that's not sufficient.

But, BH, that's fixable! So my plan is to check out this amazing looking yoga studio in nearby Clifton next Monday morning.

And the second bit is where this blog comes in. I've heard friends and professionals go crazy over amazing diet changes that I just don't know anything about. I'm not talking crash diets. But, learning about whole grains, for instance. What qualifies? What does it do to help? What are best recipes to try? Or, what's so bad about caffeine? Or sugar? I love health, and I appreciate health. But I just don't know that much.

So, IY"H, I'm going to be using this blog to track the progress and report on my findings. Whole grains may have to wait, as Passover is coming and they'd get the short end of the stick. But here's the list I definitely want to start with:

Whole grains

Caffeine

Sugar

Alcohol

What else should I add to the list?

Alternatively, ages back I bought Dr. Weil's CD 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. Maybe I should start by doing his program and use the blog-part as a supplement?

Hm... leaning towards the latter.

What do you think?

Martin Seligman on positive psychology | Video on TED.com

2010-03-10T01:08:00.000+02:00

Martin Seligman on positive psychology Video on TED.com

A must-see!!!!!

Smallest apartments in NYC...

2010-03-09T16:42:00.005+02:00

I wish I could copy and paste in case NY Times takes this down but since I can't, here's a link to the article about Manhattan's smallest apartments.

The smallest one featured, the Hell's Kitchen abode, was my place for about half a year. I loved it. Here's the article.

And here's a video tour of the apartment.

Oh, and here's the guy from the NY Times article... and me (the day I moved out)!

Extra bounce in my step...

2010-03-09T15:47:00.002+02:00

The more time I spend with Omri, the more I realize how much there is to be said for a simple, happy life. (Which, essentially, is why I married him. And why I named my blog "Bliss You.") Last night he convinced me to give up my fancy dinners and instead we ate (turkey) hotdogs and frozen veggies. It was simple, delicious, and most importantly FAST. It allowed me to take the time I needed to catch up on a lot of schoolwork after a week of being sick and everything falling by the wayside. And there's something about a really good hotdog that just feels like summertime and flip flops.

Speaking of, I actually WORE my flip flops yesterday! Outside! It was the most stunning day! And I have to give NJ props... if it wasn't for this harsh winter, I don't think I could have appreciated that day quite so much. My students and I were all antsy so we had a very high energy math class (laughing over fractions... good sign), a quick Social Studies review, and then a nice long recess outside in the beautiful sunshine. It was a fabulous day.

Meanwhile, VosIsNeias, a news website I often check out, seems to have caught the summer bug as well. Here are two adorable, uplifting news articles. Worth the read.

Manhattan, NY - Artist Fixing NYC with Legos -- VosIzNeias.com

Jerusalem - Oldest Man in The World Lives in Israel -- VosIzNeias.com

Enjoy!

How Not To Stop Intermarriage

2010-02-26T17:44:00.001+02:00

How Not To Stop Intermarriage

Another Aish article on marriage (interesting... a theme!) with an amazing quotation from Professor Alan Dershowitz on his debate with the late Rabbi Meir Kahane.

Eat, Pray, Love, Then What?

2010-02-25T19:09:00.001+02:00

Eat, Pray, Love, Then What?

Sarah Yocheved Rigler does it again. Another inspiring, humorous, relatable, intellectually satisfying article.

I highly recommend the read, especially to anyone in a relationship.

Fluttering

2010-02-22T21:56:00.001+02:00

I have a strange history with some southern ladies I've never met.

Don't worry, I intend to clarify.

In high school, I was very involved (understatement) in forensics. "What?" you ask, wondering what high schooler occupies herself with the examination of crime scenes.

Ohhh... not that kind of forensics. Forensics is the inexplicable moniker that's replaced "speech and debate" since "speech and debate" became "speech (3 or 4 different forms), debate (at least two forms), mock congress, and--get this, artistes--Competitive Acting." Speech and Debate just doesn't suffice.

Anyway, I did the Competitive Acting bit. Dramatic Interpretation, Humorous(ly bad) Interpretation, Duo Interpretation, Prose and Poetry. In each, the student would take a book, play or screenplay and cut and paste it into a (hopefully) coherent and (when lucky) interesting 10 minute performance. My speech coach stumbled onto a dusty book called Sidetracked Home Executives. Prone to a dangerous mix of irony and nostalgia, our coach thought we should put together a mildly satirical, ultimately heartfelt DUO based on the authors: classic old-school housewives and their systems and processes to run their homes in a time when a new bundt pan could really rock your socks.

Now, at the time, I had no idea how brainwashed I was being by "progressive feminism and democracy." ...hold on, lemme just pull out the soapbox. Ok, got it....

I was raised believing that women and men were equal. That women could (and should) have the same careers and, basically, lives as men. We should approach relationships the same way (ick), work the same way (ouch), have the same interests and hold marriage and family at the same very low level as (most) men. It didn't occur to me until midway through college that this isn't actually practical. And, more upsetting, many women who were caught up in the early feminism craze have come forward stating that they feel robbed of the opportunity to have a real family.

What did feminism--the way most people understood it--do? It took all the glory out of being a woman. To say that women should work like men is to say that the way women have worked throughout history isn't noble or downright incredible. Well, it is. And now, thank Gd, most feminists are catching on that the whole POINT is to give women the CHOICE.* No, you don't HAVE to be just like a man to be fulfilled. In fact, it's pretty awesome to be a woman. And it's nice to live in a time where jobs are open and women are more respected in the workplace, but really, are men respected in the house? Have we perhaps stumbled upon a bit of a double standard here?

Househusbands of the world unite!

Ok, back to my southern friends....

So, a few years after I am performing Sidetracked Home Executives to teeny tiny audiences on the Forensics circuit, I've landed at NYU's Tisch school and I'm in on a monologue workshop with the amazing Karen Kohlhaas. She's giving her schpiel on Why Actors Need Flylady (definitely worth a read if you haven't heard this!) and so I decide to check out this website. She explains it's a home/life management "system" (sort of) mainly geared towards stay-at-home-moms but particularly crucial for the working actor. So I sign up for her emails and I've been getting them for years now.

It wasn't until a few years in that I realized (you've probably guessed by now) that Flylady IS THE SIDETRACKED HOME EXECUTIVE!!! I've become a devotee of the very woman whose entire life view I thought had gone out with avocado refrigerators! Go figure!

So, hats off to you, Flylady. The "hotspots" are getting cleaned, my "DH" is happy to be no-shirt-for-work-panic free in the mornings, and I introduced the timer to my fifth grade class.

Cheers (you know, Purim's coming!),
k

* My teacher, Devorah Kigel, gives an amazing series of classes for married and engaged women in which she pointed out the relatively recent story of a female politician who stepped down from her role to spend more time with her family. She was slammed by the feminists, totally denying her her privilege to choose how to prioritize her time!

Day 4 TV-free

2010-02-19T17:49:00.002+02:00

Plans changed quite suddenly and I was really down last night.

Normally, this would have meant curling up to TV or a movie, which we consider "treats."

Instead, we busted out the wine glasses, poured in ginger ale (our poor-man's Moscato), and learned how to make egg rolls.

We could use more practice (namely, we spent the first 7 not realizing we hadn't torn off the sheets fully and were wrapping each roll doubly thick) and Omri valiantly tried to turn beer chicken into a Thai-style stir fry...

But one day, they'll look like this:

Most importantly, we laughed, talked, bonded, and had a much more meaningful experience than 45 minutes to 2 hours of the tube could possibly have provided.

TV-FREE!

2010-02-18T16:25:00.003+02:00

Monday was Day 1 of our Netflix-and-Hulu-free home.

We'd already made the decision when we moved here not to have TV or cable, but we thought Netflix would be a great way to still get a movie in here or there.

But Netflix is much more clever than that. My experience was that Netflix induces this crazy-movie-watching-industriousness. There's ALWAYS a movie there. One you want to watch. And once you watch it, there's another one coming. And you have this LIST to get through, so you better start watching! So we were watching at least one, sometimes two movies a week. That's three hours a week down the drain. Not our initial intention.

So, on Sunday, we nixed Netflix and decided, for good measure, to ban Hulu from our home as well.

The results?

The whole house...

Is clean.

It's a beautiful thing, this TV free life.

We might even take up Scrabble again.

I don't know if this shows the power of movies or the power of music, but I think it's the latter...

2010-02-12T00:14:00.004+02:00

the films of the 2000s from Paul Proulx on Vimeo.

Blessings

2010-02-11T20:54:00.003+02:00

Happy Snow Day! (Good to be a teacher!)

So it's been a while since I've written anything. I was so excited to go in and teach and blog about this exciting challenge. And I'm still interested in doing so. But I'm caught over whether I'm comfortable blogging about that HERE, where, since this blog has history, I'm pretty easily identifiable. Not that I'd ever consider blogging anything to identify my students or anything like that... it's just one of those Haredi grey areas that makes me nervous.

Which pretty much points to exactly what I am trying to learn from my husband. We moved to our town with the express plan to surround ourselves with people one step--or, in most cases, many many steps--ahead of us. The thinking being, if we become complacent in our avodas Hashem we will at worst fall into peer pressure to--what? For him, to make it to minyan. For me, to up my level tzniut. It could be worse. I'd rather be uncomfortable that people would know I keep up to date on some unforgivably bad TV shows than be embarrassed not to be up on the latest fashion trends.

And I think our logic is good. But he seems to have been able to integrate that logic. Yes, he's surrounded by people who are futher ahead, but that's just the end goal. And for now, our avoda is to slowly, steadily progress towards that goal. Not to don the black hat and fool everyone, but to grow to make Hashem proud. Not the neighbors.

Ok, so that's that. Why I haven't blogged, and why this blog still doesn't have a particular slant. Maybe that will keep it boring enough that nobody will bother to stumble upon it and I have nothing to worry about :)

So. The real reason I wanted to write is that I'm finding so many parallels these days between my acting training and Judaism that I wanted to get them down on--well, not paper. To get them down. Or out.

I am, BH, very fortunate to have an amazing phone chevrusa with my old chevrusa from seminary. We are learning Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller and Sarah Yocheved Rigler's book, Battle Plans. I highly reccomend it--and I highly reccommend it in the context of chevrusa learning. Just dont' take mine.

And we reached Battle Plans #45 and 46 which both deal with the issue of "forbidden thoughts." As the authors write, "the Torah prohibits thoughts such as anger, lust, jealousy, hatred, and judgemental reflections."* So, one may ask, now we're supposed to run our thoughts with constant intention? Impossible! Here: don't think about the pink elephant. See? Their explanation of the classical responce evoked many many classes from the Atlantic Theater Company (see if any yogis are out there). In short, the battle plan is to notice you are having a "forbidden thought" and gently and nonjudgementally turn your mind to something else. Suddenly I got another of my Former-Life-Meets-Present-Life lightbulb moments: this is why I had hours and hours of this drilled in my head while in downward dog or deep breathing exercises. Notice your thoughts have strayed, don't judge, and gently turn them back to ____ (your breath, your line, your intention, etc.).

And I let my yetzer hara tell me that I can't stop thinking about the shopping list during davening? Please. I gotta use what skills I have.

Ok, so the Atlantic Theater Company revisited again today. Morning blessings. After various blessings over mitzvot and some mini-Torah study, we start into a string of brachot.

NOTE: This is in no way meant to be an explanation or scholarly understanding of the brachot. Just my thoughts to myself, and to you if they are of any assistance in real kavanah.

"Blessed are You Hashem our Gd, King of the universe, Who...." (and all sorts of things He does). I read once that Jews used to say these brachot as they got up. "Releases the bound," they start to get up, "straightens the bent," they stand up, etc. Here's what I got today...

"...Who straightens the bent."
(This is the hundred times my teachers have encouraged to take up all 5 feet 6 inches of height.)

"...Who spreads out the earth upon the waters."
(This is that crazy movement class where he could see from how I lay on the hardwood floor that I was uncomfortable taking up space--spread out, take up space he kept telling me.)

"...Who has provided me with my needs."
(Ok for some reason this evoked my most powerful AP Psych class--Maslow's hierarchy of needs. For some reason, after some rough years feeling a like I'd been out all night tossed on a wild ocean (or Manhattan, maybe worse) I take great comfort in this: Hashem is reminding me there is a steady roof over my head and food in the refrigerator. I thank Him and acknowledge this is not a given, knowing I have my foundation needs met. I can move up.)

"...Who establishes the footsteps of man."
(Here I see my mom's gentle example. Find your path. Find what you are here to be.***)

"...Who girds Israel with strength."
(Because once you know your path, you need His help to be bold enough to pursue it, no?)

"...Who crowns Israel with splendor."
(This evoked the image of those true do-gooders who hold their heads high, with such grace, already crowned. Our friend Noelle is a powerful example of this to my husband and I. Another way I see this is: once we find our path, we thank Hashem for being there to help us achieve it. And this can be for the individual or collectively as Am Yisrael.)

"...Who gives strength to the weary."
(So we can continue to change the world.)

Ok, y'all. Go get 'em! :)

*Side note: It makes me very happy to see the old MLA comma rules, with the comma before the "and." Anyone know if we're officially back to that?

**Basically the Artscroll translation.

***Another side note: My favorite explanation of the concept of Gehenom is that Hashem shows you the portrait that was drawn of you: of all the things you would do and who you would be in the world. The discrepancy between that vision and reality is our true "punishment."

Woah buddy. Day 1.

2009-12-29T18:47:00.003+02:00

My reaction from the first day of teaching has changed a lot since I first finished. I was really stunned that I managed to get and pretty much maintain control of the classroom (and, thank Gd the principal and assistant principal also witnessed this). Probably, they were just trying to behave on day 1 and I'm sure there's a lot more yet to be thrown my way in terms of behavior, but it was a welcome relief. My first-day-on-the-job nightmares (literal nightmares) were definitely a lot worse than what my girls threw my way.

So my goals were:
Establish authority
Maintain order
Learn as many names as possible

And according to those goals, I did pretty well. I know almost all their names at this point. I was pleasantly surprised how naturally the discipline part came to me. I was unpleasantly surprised how much more difficult the TEACHING part was! Concepts I thought I had studied to death and drilled into my brain disappeared into thin air once my explanations were questioned. Oyvayvoy. I'm trying to give myself a bit of a break, seeing that I'm coming in not just mid-year, but in some cases mid-CHAPTER! Next year (if I make it there!) will, I think, be much easier on the educational front.

New goals for today? (Not sure this is a good idea.)
Get the last of their names down
Start to establish routine
Do a better job teaching the ideas
And a lot of out-of-classroom stuff: talk to other teachers about resources, curriculum, and worksheets.

Oh, and what's the biggest difference between my just-out-of-the-classroom-I-can't-believe-I'm-alive high and what started a few hours later?

I am exhausted.
Beyond exhausted.
Everything hurts.

When they said in theater school that to star in a Broadway production, an actor's body had to be up to the level of a marathon runner's... that was for sure serious. And I am for sure not up to snuff on the physical front.

So the final goal of today:
Conserve energy wherever possible!

Big changes!

2009-12-27T19:04:00.003+02:00

New season, new year, new job.

For those of you more in the loop, this might be something of a surprising transition. Yes, I did just start a job right after Sukkos. Yes, I was doing something I believed in and I loved my coworkers.

But, in short, my job was not working out. The hours and commute were just too much for Omri and me, who felt like we were never seeing eachother and I hate hate hated sitting in front of a computer all day (she writes, typing on her computer on her day off). For the first time in my life, I had lower back pain that I couldn't blame on a fancy night out in 4" heels. A cubicle is not a good excuse for lower back pain. My shoulder-Whitney was shaking her head at me.

We decided it was time for me to start looking elsewhere and I wound up re-connecting with the principal of our local private girls' middle school (by local, I mean two blocks away). She *just so happened* (thanks Hashem) to need a teacher... immediately.

Which means tomorrow afternoon I will be beginning my stint (or career, stay tuned to find out!) as a 5th grade teacher. Forget a summer of intensive TFA training or two years working towards a master's. Nope, initiation by fire seems to be the plan.

Thank Gd I happen to have a lot of friends who are or were teachers. From upper-middle private to religious Jewish to inner-city, I've gotten a range of perspectives and a lot of repeated and reinforced advice. You can bet you'll be getting more calls from me.

Despite the utter terror everyone says I ought to be experiencing, I'm stoked. I am excited to be around 10 year olds, who are smart and funny but still act like kids. I'm excited to be back in a school environment, to feel the buzzing energy encased in a consistant schedule. I'm excited to have the autonomy of working with my own class, deciding how to present material, what projects to work on, what science experiments and art projects. I'm excited to be spending half my day preparing in my living room and only 4 hours a day in the classroom.

I'm not so thrilled about two weeks of being a drill seargant, but I've done it before and I can do it again. And after those two weeks, Gd willing it'll be really fun.

Ok, so back to dividing my multiples of 10, reading up on 5th grade literature and deciding whether the science project will be a poster or diorama....

Wish me luck!

TED du jour (courtesy of Full Color Living): Bill Gates on the work being done in his philanthropy. The first 8 minutes he discusses Malaria, then he speaks beautifully on America's educational system.

suburbaphobia

2009-09-24T21:40:00.005+03:00

I'm about to do my final read-through of my first real life paid article before sending it in to get pulverized by Maralyn, the editor at Cheapism.com. Scary stuff, but kinda exciting! Since our only working computer is being used by my husband's job search, what else would I be doing than blogging?

I'm also going into the city in about an hour to sign my contract for my real, full time job. More details once I'm getting started.

Ok, so back to blogging... my fellow Atlantic Theater CompanyActing School alumna, Faryn, has an awesome blog (actually, she has two websites, but I think I gain calories just looking at her delicious bakery website) which makes me jones for Brooklyn like nothing else. Admittedly, my two experiences living in Brooklyn were sketchy at best, but there's something really cool about a borough made up entirely of your generation. Or at least, those who are not trendy 20-30 somethings at least have the common sense to hide in a less populated pocket. Living in Williamsburg I started fantasizing about hipster hunting, but I almost miss the skinny jeans living in NJ. Ok, that's a lie, but I do miss the bikes. People don't bike in the suburbs. They drive. And except for the absolute fabulousness of going grocery shopping and having a TRUNK to take your groceries home in, I prefer public transit or walking. Or biking.

I guess it's a typical issue for a (relatively newly) frum 23 year old married chick. I'm 23. But I'm married. There are some fabulous perks to living in the suburbs, like peace of mind or access to a car. And living in the second largest BT community in the world means having great conversations with highly educated, worldly people who still have the same fundamental beliefs. But I still feel too young to be cast out into the suburbs.

When people ask how I like Passaic and I say I like being near the city but I wish it wasn't so hard to get to Brooklyn and they look at me like I grew a second nose a la Ionesco and ask, "what's so great about Brooklyn?" I can't explain it to them. Then again, this coming from a girl whose celebrity crush is this guy

...and I can't defend that either.

Can you cure my suburbaphobia?? Well that's what the comments section is for, silly!

blog stumbling

2009-09-24T07:11:00.002+03:00

It's always a nice surprise when you find out someone you know or knew, however briefly, has a blog. Then you find nice things like this

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

Thanks to Marina.

Working from home!

2009-09-16T20:33:00.004+03:00

Ok so if you haven't seen it from facebook or Twitter, I've started working with this up-and-coming website called www.Cheapism.com which I'm really digging. Every article I research for, html code (did you know I was such a geek? I didn't), or just browze is well written and definitely applies to life as a 20-something, recently married, penny-pinching, college-loan-paying-offing chick. It could be a good combo... making money learning how NOT to spend it! Omri's doing it too, and digs it, although he understands the complicated stuff better than I do. It's awesome to be home with him although I have to resist the urge to bake just because the kitchen's there.

...but if I need new appliances, I can find the best and cheapest one! ;)

Expect tons of awesome new articles to come! Let me know if you're planning on making a new purchase and wanna see some expert advice, I'll talk to the man upstairs for ya!

Cooking for a boy...

2009-07-07T17:49:00.004+03:00

...is hard.

Our first meal here, I decided to make us a nice dinner. I made a lovely fish dinner from a cookbook my mom gave me ages ago. I served it with salad. I was cooking for two, so I doubled my portion.

Big mistake.

About ten minutes after the meal, Noach starts to look uncomfortable. In his nicest, "I love you but" voice, he asks, "we-we're not having... anything else?"

Turns out that two girl portions does not a marriage feed. He doesn't even eat two of what I eat. It's more like three. It's crazy! Boys are so... different!

It hasn't gotten much better. I cook what I think is a ton (so that I'll have extra to freeze for later) but he still finishes it all! And generally the only times I entered the kitchen were to do either something fancy, like baking, or something so simple I wouldn't serve it to Noach. So every meal-literally, breakfast, lunch and dinner-turns into a three or four course extravaganza. It's crazy.

We did just do a massive shopping trip in the Costco produce section so we have lots and lots of fruits and veggies to eat up. We signed up for a CSA in North Jersey but it doesn't start until the 21st. We're very excited to see what crazy fruits and veggies we end up with! I don't know how to cook kale, do you?

So anyway, I'm still working on it. We definitely have enough baked goods to last us (I bake under pressure, a la Izzie Stevens), but I need main courses and side dishes. That are quick. And preferably freezable. And healthy. And don't have meat or potatoes, which we don't really eat.

Any ideas?

Newlyweds

2009-07-05T16:05:00.005+03:00

Noach (alias: Omri, my husband) and I just got back from a really nice Shabbos in Monsey. Seeing a deer on Shabbos is just cool. Walking through the forest to get to shul is also pretty great. And the family that invited us, an older couple that Noach used to work with, were adorable... like having an extra set of grandparents. And I think they enjoyed having some young blood around to change up the conversation.

Beyond that... I had trouble with the size of everything. How is it possible people in Israel make do with an apartment and here we all need museums? It's so cut-off and private. And this coming from a classic introvert who likes nothing better than to be alone! But not REALLY alone, which is how I feel in a huge empty house on a huge empty lot on a huge street filled with more of the same. I can't imagine living somewhere like that and not getting the "keeping up with the Joneses" mania. I didn't get this from the people... that's just my reaction to the size of everything. But I have pretty well-documented rich people phobia. Maybe THAT'S why I feel so much more comfortable in Israel.

I'm also starting to understand the warnings about The Chutz better. Everyone always says, "don't go to Brooklyn or Monsey and think you're not living in galus." I couldn't believe anyone would actually make that mistake. But all Shabbos, I only saw two people who weren't Jewish. And I didn't see any Jews who weren't frum. That's crazy. And there's such a weirdness about it. These people shouldn't all be here. All these Jews, and so badly needed in Eretz Yisrael. And they have the ability to make the move, at least financially. It's so weird to be in America and feel like it's just all Jews. Because it is so not.

One fact always ringing in my mind is that a few years before the Shoah, a Jewish Englishman was in charge of the "Palistinean authority." Any Jew who wanted to make aliyah was allowed. And nobody did. They still had money, they still had prestiege, and they had no reason to suspect that the world would go crazy and blood-thirsty in a few years. Granted, Israel was very different then. Scattered, small communities and nothing close to the opportunities we see there today. But today we look back and shake our heads and think, "if only they'd gone when they had the chance." Today we are PAID to go to Israel. (B"H for Nefesh b'Nefesh. Here is Aish's 1 minute video on them.) They give us the flight. They help us find jobs, communities, ulpanim, apartments. They practically help us pack our bags. And yet we still have the chutzpa to stay.

I'm loving Passaic. Everyone here is growth oriented, giving, warm, and very spiritual. But I would love to know why Noach and I are in the position that we are in. I feel exiled from Israel. I think back of memories in Israel and it's as if we were living in color. Here we're in sepia. And living in color was draining, for sure. The fear was real and the stress was real, but the connection was so much more intense, and the love and joy was so much more full.

I guess that's just where I am right now. Really Missing Israel. A Lot. It comes in waves.
And while I don't really wish not being in Israel on anyone, thank Gd I get to go through this with my husband. Noach has become my channel. He is so plugged in spiritually, I just need to sit and listen to him to be inspired. It's as if he still has one foot in Jerusalem, and he's been here longer. I don't think he feels that way. I remember being on the phone with him after he'd been home a few months, and him telling me how you could feel the difference from here to there. That it was palpable. I remember my heart sinking, as I was already full of fear about the move back to the States.

Maybe I should just refocus on the piles of laundry and stuff that need to be decluttered from this house. Noach's friend Meir always says how a mentor of his said that you have to be zoche to live in Israel. So maybe this time can be about building us up to be people that don't just take from Israel but find a way to give to Israel.

Ah, before I go. Wedding pictures are up. Our photographer, Max Orenstein did an incredible job capturing an incredible day. Here are his highlights. Here's one of my favorites:

Aish Heroes of Israel/Zichron Yaakov

2009-06-02T11:58:00.004+03:00

Aish.com has a 1 minute video series called Heroes of Israel. I highly recommend watching! These videos are beautiful and inspirational... and TRUE, which is always nice :)

Home again sick. Back to the blog and the internet...

It's been bothering me that I wasn't able to put together my dreams of living on a coast in a home with big windows in a place with good weather with my dream if living in Israel. I know this is a beautiful country, so it bothered me that when I wanted a visual home-in-ten-years fantasy, I always had to turn to American shorelines.

Thank you, Nefesh b'Nefesh. Their communities page helped me brainstorm and come up with a new home fantasy. Today I fell in love with Zichron Yaakov. It actually reminds me a lot of Sarasota, just in the right country. The houses are beautiful, and, because they're not in Jerusalem, not quite as expensive as I would have thought. It was exactly the boost I needed to re-focus on a long-term goal of coming back here to stay.

Some of the images I liked:

We can paint the walls!!!

2009-06-01T19:11:00.002+03:00

This changes everything...
Our landlord sounds really nice. And she is easily accessible over email. What a nice change!

Rabbi Royale Schonbrun

2009-06-01T14:39:00.004+03:00

By the way, check out this book! I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to proofread it and it is being gobbled up everywhere! It was so cool to be in Manny's yesterday (popular Jerusalem bookshop) and see it not just in the store, but displayed in three different parts of the store! Even cooler was seeing three of my friends buy a copy :)

One week to go...

2009-06-01T13:04:00.015+03:00

One week (minus one day) left in Eretz Yisrael
Three weeks (minus one day) until my WEDDING!!!
And, of course, I wake up sick as a dog today.

Guess that means it's time to update my blog.

So. We have pictures of our apartment in Passaic, NJ. (See the new design? That picture up top is the Veterans Memorial Park in Passaic, a few blocks away from our apartment! I love it.) It's a nice apartment, but very very basic, and it's going to need some major decorating to suit us for a year. I really want this to be a nice place for us to live.

Here are the pictures we have so far:

The kitchen:

The living room and front entryway...

The bedroom (hard to tell apart from the living room in the pictures because they look exactly the same to me. I think the living room just has one window opposite the front entry but the bedroom has two.

And our bathroom (which I happen to think is pretty adorable already.)

Challenge #1 is going to be the catbox. First, we're just going to have to be cleaning it all the time because I refuse to have a gnarly smelling home. I'm also gonna have to vacuum a lot. (Oh, that reminds me, I should register for a vacuum!) I guess I should just accept that up front. But kitty is worth it. So here are the options...

A. Shove it in the bathroom. I'm not crazy about this idea because first, I'm not sure there's space and second, we only have one bathroom so that means guests tripping all over it.

Or B., put it in a cupboard with a secret entrance and it'll be disguised. I think I'd do this in the front entryway so that it's not near food or dining things.

Here's the idea that basically I want:

Gorgeous design, handmade... with shipping, over $400. Just not going to happen. But maybe I can get a cheap Ikea cupboard and just cut in a catdoor? It needs to be big enough for the catbox in the picture because that's the kind I have. The magical automatic catbox :)

Here's another of their products, about $100 cheaper:

Omri's been buying some second-hand furniture and is right now on his way to Rochester to get all our STUFF which is really exciting. Plus we're getting his futon from college and probably some other stuff I just don't remember...

it's getting so official...

2009-03-20T14:42:00.005+02:00

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/katelord&omrilevin

Being engaged means...
Lots of cookies and dancing
Finding out that people think nice things about you
Finding out that people think nice things about him
Not sleeping... either out of busyness or oh-my-gosh-I'm-getting-marriedness
Cognitive dissonance
Smile headaches
Forgetting about just about everything you have to do
Being able to plan approximately 10 minutes ahead of you
Needing some Grey's Anatomy and a cup of hot coffee!!!

New things and old things...

2009-03-09T19:15:00.004+02:00

I love PostSecret.
I want to live in Israel.
Every Jewish holiday intimidates me as it comes, but I love it once it arrives.
I miss connecting to my davening.
I love our teachers.
I'm engaged now and I'm still not used to having a ring on that finger.
I'm in hiding from family politics.
I miss yoga.
And painting.
There is nowhere in the world that compares to Jerusalem.

25 Facts email going around facebook...

2009-02-06T09:30:00.003+02:00

Ally tagged me..

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I was supposed to be having my overseas web-cam chat with my mom but she's not answering her gchat right now so...

2. I really really love having long mornings. Getting up and writing and davening and having a good breakfast with a nice cup of tea or coffee and maybe some yoga or a long walk to school... love it. But it only happens about once a month.

3. My current dream involves moving to New Jersey. I don't know what, specifically that says about me, but I don't think it's good. At least it's a part of New Jersey that's commutable to NYC.

4. I have been with my boyfriend Omri for over two years. He lives down the street and learns in yeshiva there. It's total chance that we're so close, but I'm incredibly grateful because we get to see a lot of eachother.

5. I have about five different careers I'm interested in. Which I think means I'm not really interested in any of them. It's good that I don't need to make any big decisions as of yet.

6. I found out I was Jewish when I was 12. Now I'm an orthodox Jew living in Jerusalem.

7. Even though I've kept kosher for years, I still have to write down what time I can eat dairy again on my hand when I have meat for lunch.

8. I hate eating meat for lunch. When it's my home, it will be largely parve with a bit of dairy throughout the week with meat only on Shabbos. But I'm cheap, so I eat what they give me in school.

9. Israel has changed me in some unexpected ways. Like, I don't really like shopping anymore... it weirds me out that people just go spend money because they're bored. When I came home to visit family in Florida for two weeks over winter break, I almost cried from culture shock in the Atlanta airport.

10. I love studying Torah, but lately I haven't enjoyed learning the weekly Parshas. It really frustrates me and I'm really grateful we have a Parsha class because otherwise I don't know how much I'd really study them.

11. I used to get really depressed when I wasn't acting. I don't get that way anymore, but I will be excited when the year is over to so some kind of theater again... although probably not anything like what I used to do!

12. I love cooking. I also secretly love cleaning, and when I'm alone I sing the songs that the Disney princesses sing when they're cleaning. They're catchy, what can I say.

13. I like infants better than toddlers. There's something so incredible about connecting with someone who has no power of communication but just wants to cuddle and love on you and be comfy. Oh, and poo and spit up.

14. I love fruit so much that I will sometimes eat cake (which I don't particularly like) instead of fruit because I don't feel I've earned the fruit.

15. It wasn't until college that I realized that some people don't eat salad before dinner every night. I also learned there that some people regularly eat dessert after dinner.

16. I love bread. Can't get enough of it. When I was little, I used to eat all the restaurant bread until mom told me I'd fill up on bread then once I got my main course I was so sad that it wasn't as good as the bread. But once I ate a good amount of my main course she'd let me go back to the restaurant bread. We never ate white bread at home, that might be partly why...

17. I love helping people get ready for Shabbos. Last week I was out all Thursday night helping cook and clean, then I went back again Friday morning, then to someone else in the afternoon, and then back to my friends' to finish up. It winds up making me have to rush to get myself ready in time (and sometimes I don't manage finishing everything I wanted to do) which I know isn't really ideal but I feel like Shabbos is so much sweeter when you have to work for it. And these days, since I always eat out, I don't get to do much work for it.

18. I'm good at talking my way out of speeding tickets.

19. I love living in Israel. I'm not sure I can handle America any more after living here. And I've only done just over half the year.

20. I just got invited to the facebook group of my girl scout troop from when I was little. I didn't really keep up with anyone from Marblehead when I moved to Florida so it's kinda cool to find these people again. And I'm gonna tag some on this so that we can catch up :)

21. I love going to Disney. I'm glad my mom lives in Florida. So far I've always gotten to go to Disney on my Florida trips. They've still all been free. Hopefully that will continue! Kim and I used to go to Disney like once a month. Maybe more. I think we memorized all the rides. We'd try to find cute employees to talk to because we were bored of the rides and needed something to entertain ourselves.

22. I love wine. I'm so happy that kosher wine has evolved. There's some really impressive stuff out there. Friday night is red wine night and Shabbos lunch is white wine night.

23. I like wearing jewelry but I can't buy it. I get totally overwhelmed by all the choices and they're all so similar. So I like getting jewelry as a gift because then I don't have to think.

24. My boyfriend's parents send me the sweetest, cutest gifts ever. For Chanukah I got a gorgeous bracelet and Chanukah socks!

25. I love to entertain but I don't like being a guest at a big party unless I came with someone. I get completely overwhelmed.

Trip to Eilat and the Negev Desert!!!

2009-02-04T20:38:00.007+02:00

(I have a bad habit of posting twice in a row. Just under this is my post about my trip home to Florida, Rosh Chodesh Shvat, and Michelle's Vort... so don't neglect it just because I have a bad posting schedule please!)

One of the things that was pointed out to me this year that's particularly incredible about Israel is that, unless you have personal ties outside the country, you never really have to leave. Want history? We got it... the best, oldest, and richest in the world. Want culture? Whatever you want... museums, culture, dining, it's all here and you can have it--kosher or treif, whatever your preference (I hope kosher). Want a tropical vacation? Eilat's beaches are some of the best in the world. Or you can check out Tel Aviv's beach. Nightclubs, hiking (desert mountains or lush tropics, your call), more activism and community service than I've ever seen, more PhDs per capita than any country in the world, advanced technology, great education, oceans, lakes, deserts, SKIING even. The holiest and the most secular. All in a country that would fit inside New Jersey.

I don't even want to think about comparing the offerings of Israel to those of New Jersey.

I'd never been to Eilat before and I was completely blown away. First off, from one mountaintop (where Lynn gave a shiur on emunah [faith] and we said the whole book of Tehillim [Psalms]) we could see Jordan, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia in one eyefull. Insane.

The trip really should not have been called the Eilat Tiyul but "Eilat and the Negev" because we spent most of our time hiking in the Negev desert. Now, I thought, oh, MRC "hiking" is nothing. Usually their version of "challenging" means "maybe don't bring grandma." But this was more like scaling a cliff. There were for sure times I just couldn't look down because we were literally climbing a peak and it sloped down at as much as an 80 degree angle on either side. Two hours of it. The second day the hike was just as long but less climbing and more walking and it was also incredible. The first hike was in Machtesh Hagadol ("The Great Crater") and the second day was in the Eilat mountains. Let me see if I have some good pictures to illustrate:

This one gives you a good idea how steep the hike was. Say hi to Sarah! Note the Rabbi's daughter barely hanging on just behind her. This hike was like an advertisement for hiking shoes with good traction. I have no IDEA how we didn't just keep slipping right back down. (If you click the picture you can see it larger... some of these are hard to see so small.)
How gorgeous is this? I can't believe how tiny we are!
Again, showing steepness. Note that this is not the "climbing" part, this is just the straight up walking part. The climbing, which was about a good third of the hike, required pulling ourselves up with our hands.
A break on our way up the mountain. Notice what we are about to climb, in the top center of the picture. THAT'S why we're taking a break!
Amazing view.
The way back down was a lot easier, but still... insane.
Teeny tiny sem girls on a huuuuuge boulder.
This is from the second hike. More walking, more breathtaking views, a bit less rock climbing.
Me and my shnookums after the second day's hike. We did it!
Note that my pictures are only from when my hands are free and I'm not about to faint... so the hike was a lot more intense than even this!

After two days of really hard hiking, it was so incredible to be on the beach, lying out. Leia and I were beach buddies and we had an amazing time. We got Heinekens, laid out in the sun, then went SNORKELING!--so amazing--then got ourselves some ice cream while we dried off. Perfect beach day. They played music over the loudspeakers and it was all just us girls in our own private bit of beach.

Then we went to the Eilat Hesder yeshiva, Ayelet Hashachar where we heard Rabbi Rothkopf talk about his experience of bringing Torah to a totally secular, separated (by miles of desert) town. The whole place is very small and it's had a religious explosion. What's really cool about it, he told us, was that you have all these different "branches" of Orthodoxy all getting along there. Someone could wear a Nachman kippa, daven Chabad, and donate to Hesder while learning at yet another yeshiva. That's not something you see in a lot of places... it's really incredible.

After a trip like that all I want to do is make aliyah. This country is just so incredible, you can't help but love it. And I know that any possibility is far off in the future, but it can't hurt to start thinking now! I definitely got a nice wake-up call when I found out that my old roommate, Noelle, has moved to South Africa to continue her work with Keep a Child Alive (check out her blog at http://sanibonasouthafrica.blogspot.com/). And here I'm hesitating about the time I'm spending here, the Jewish homeland, when the best, most life-changing part of my life has been growing and developing as a Jew? Where people actually SPEAK the holy tongue and the greatest Torah minds walk the street with you? I literally had these insane dreams about it last night and couldn't even function this morning because it was getting to me so much. I stayed home and did what I always do when I'm stressed. I did my laundry.

My trip "home," and then my return "home"

2009-02-04T19:57:00.010+02:00

Ok before I post about my trip to Eilat I wanted to get up some great pictures from my trip home!

Here's one of my dad and stepmom at Animal Kingdom beginning the safari ride (a family favorite).

That's me and my momma (we're color coordinated... how cute!).

And me and my amazing big brother!!!

The trip home was great. I also have some really cute pictures of braiding challah with my mom and tickle wrestling with my big brother. My family is so incredible and loving and we laugh so much when we're together... it's such a blessing. And it was really amazing to see how everyone was so open and accepting of my new way of living my life. A lot of "liberal" families don't really keep with the whole philosophy... they're more concerned that you agree with them about their political views than that everyone has the right to their own. But, thank G-d, my family is just happy to see everyone doing whatever gives them meaning and joy.

I got back and in short order it was Rosh Chodesh Shvat (the first of the month of Shvat)! We had a beautiful little Rosh Chodesh breakfast in the Beit Midrash (study room/library/classroom). Rebbetzin Karlinsky gave a beautiful shiur about Shvat. She said that all winter we are working and working on ourselves and our faith and connection to G-d and not necessarily seeing the fruits of our labours. But in Shvat, which is generally a month where lots of rain has collected (unfortunately it has been a very dry winter so this didn't apply so much this year as it does usually) you don't have to go dipping so far into the well to gather water. And so it is with our spiritual lives. We have filled the "wells" with that work and now we can just skim off the surface and feel the spirituality permeate our lives and bring us joy and a deeper connection. She gave over the shiur with so much simcha and love that it was a really lovely morning.

Finally, my roommate Michelle had her vort (engagement party). The Rosh Yeshiva and Rosh Midrasha both spoke and we danced and had a great time. Here's a goofy picture of us doing a slow-mo dance because the boys were singing a really weird song.

Time's moving on...

2009-01-27T19:19:00.005+02:00

Back in Israel.

Sick again. Boo.

But learning has been really really amazing. I have definitely gotten a little rusty on my text skills and need to work on that but that just takes time. We had an amazing shiur today on why evil exists that was basically a kavanah lecture in disguise. I didn't think that I was really enjoying her class but then as soon as it was over my friend and I looked at each other and were like, "woah. She just answered so many questions." It was a really good feeling.

Then we got a teaser of an impromptu shiur on the different sects of Orthodoxy which ended very quickly after getting a very funny handout comparing Chassidic to Yeshivish and Modern.

It's very weird to think that Omri will be going home so soon. I'm for sure still trying to process that. And I'm not doing very well. I'm just trying to think of all the reasons it makes sense for me to be here and him to be back in the States. I can focus more on my learning, on my friendships, I can travel more... Oy I hope I come up with some better excuses.

My Mom's Book... or, why I'm the luckiest daughter ever

2009-01-09T00:02:00.003+02:00

My mom's book is out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so exciting! I can't wait to read it again! And again!

And yes, that's her real name :)

Mom's book is about finding your true life purpose and living a fully realized, inspired, joyful life. She uses wisdom from many different sources and her extensive life experience from all her work with career counseling and working with large organizations. It's both inspirational and enjoyable to read--and also very practical. It's a great book for someone looking to just tune up their quality of life a little bit. A lot of what she found out with her research (she did a lot of personal interviews, my favorite part of the book) was very surprising and good to read. But I won't give it away... you'll have to buy it and see for yourself!!

My stepfather and I went to go see her speak yesterday to the local community (same place where I saw John Loftus speak--post about that below). She's a fantastic speaker and it was so great to see the way this talk came together.

I found her talk very inspirational. At one point she spoke about identifying your purpose, passions, and strengths. She gave really great ways of seeing what these things are for you.

One idea she used with purpose was--"What bothers you most about the world?" which her teacher used to say to her. I think it's funny because a lot of what bothers me is similar to her. People not being fully self-actualized. People buying into the advertising brainwash and trying to find happiness by fulfilling made-up needs. A lack of beauty in the world.

Her talk reminded me of a shiur I heard about finding your life purpose. G-d is like a contractor who puts skilled craftsmen on a building site. If the craftsmen know their stuff, they don't need the contractor on the phone all the time telling them what to do, step-by-step. He can just give them a basic layout and they'll know what to do. (The analogy being Contractor is Gd, craftsmen are Jews, and the layout is the Torah.) Sidenote: her book is from a non-religious perspective, but draws from wisdom from many sages.

dding in what my mom's saying, I came up with my own analogy: how annoyed would you be if you went an hired craftsmen (Jews), gave them a toolbox (strengths), and put them on an empty building site (their purpose), and they went and tried to use their hammer to dig a garden. The hammer doesn't really work, it's won't be particularly fulfilling, and if I was the contractor, I'd be kindof annoyed. But when we open our eyes and see what we love, what we're good at, and where we want to see change in the world, that's how we fulfill our life's purpose. (And to do this, buy her book.)

John Loftus... rockstar

2009-01-08T23:16:00.006+02:00

I went to an AMAZING speech this week given by John Loftus. He's an Irish Catholic from Boston (yay) who worked for the CIA and got so disillusioned that he wound up calling them out on all the stuff they were doing wrong. He wound up leaving and becoming the lawyer for whistle-blowers who want to do it legally. He was such an impressive speaker, talking about the ridiculousness of some of the moves our government has made and the real history of groups like Hamas, which was founded by the Muslim wing of the Nazi party. He gave the whole breakdown and history of the various terrorist groups around Israel. It was insane.

Loftus also spoke about the American "news" and how frequently major networks fall for propaganda and sell it as news. Makes you wonder where to look to get your news...

He does a radio show and talked about some of the news agencies that give unbiased, researched reporting. Of course, I couldn't catch the name of any of them. What do you go to? I no longer trust any American news stations, or CBC, BBC...

John Loftus also wrote a book called "The Unholy Trinity: The Vatican, the Nazis, and the Swiss Banks" that I'm dying to read (secret obsession with the Vatican, as an ex-Christian) and he also wrote a book called "The Secret War Against the Jews" which, of course, would never be accepted if it was written by a Jew but he's Irish Catholic YAY!

Check out this incredible man at http://www.john-loftus.com/

or www.intelligence-summit.org for his non-profit organization.

Should I stay or should I go now...

2009-01-05T20:32:00.002+02:00

Here in our little home in Sarasota, FL, much conversation centering around my imminent flight back to Jerusalem... and whether I'll be on it.

My mind changes about, oh, every day. It's just dangerous enough to completely freak out my mom without actually being dangerous enough to be a deterrent for going back. My friend Malka says I should stop trying to make the decision emotionally and decide *intellectually* what it is that I'm looking for in these next few months.

Number 1 is easy: proof of Judaism. By hell or high water. My best friend says she'll go storm the Polish consulate for me to get the long-lost birth certificate I need. This girl will do anything to be able to get drunk off bubbly at my wedding ASAP. This is why we love her. If the Poles are uncooperative, it's a full conversion for me (*sound the death walk*).

Numbers 2-200 are harder. Learn to keep a kosher kitchen. Connect artistically and get inspiration. Grow. Be challenged. Find direction (I think I'm starting to sniff it out, believe it or not). Figure out what issues I have with frumkeit and address them. Read. A LOT. Get in better shape. Eat more fresh fruits and veggies. See theater.

I learned this Shabbos that I can do the challah, the kugel, the cholent, and the chicken (as long as nobody turns off the oven while my food's in it). Oh, and the carrot cake was bomb. The 6 braid still alludes me completely and I need something more exciting that I can cook.

I got SO BURNED OUT in Israel. And of course. The class schedule is intense, and my situation is already stressful. Plus... it's Israel. But I'm losing focus over here and I don't think it's just that I'm on vacation.

And I miss my friends. And my bed. And my books. And my black fuzzy boots. And I want to see everyone that's now engaged.

Ok I still haven't done anything intellectual. I'll have to go work on that...

Or shower.

Shabbat Shalom!

2009-01-02T23:18:00.002+02:00

Happy Friday!

I love having this opportunity to look back on my week. I can't believe last Shabbat I was in Jerusalem. Omri and I were supposed to be in a Jewish settlement in the West Bank but wound up, on Friday afternoon (which is insanely late) changing our plans because our host was unwell. I was a little happy to be changing our plans because coming back from the Gush and getting to the airport all motzei Shabbat (Saturday night) made me very nervous. Turned out that we went to war with Gaza over Shabbos and, although I know my host and his town is fine, it would have been a security nightmare to get back into Jerusalem in time to get to the airport!

Now I'm home. The first two days I was here I had huge jet-lag and was watching the news every five minutes. It was stressful and miserable. Finally my brother broke me out of it with a huge amazing heart-to-heart (he's so good at that) and we all had a big talk--my mom, stepdad and Ben--about how it was so hard for me to make them go out of their way to accomodate my religious needs (like keeping kosher and Shabbat) on top of how difficult those things were for me the first time back, making my way around an un-kosher kitchen. They listened and reassured me that they knew it would be a little work but they were happy to do it. They are all really amazing loving people. I feel a lot better, despite needing to email my halacha (Jewish law) Rabbi about two times a day to ask how to fix a mistake. Hopefully he will get a break now!

I'm forcing myself to not make a decision about whether to go back. I feel that it would still be safe if I was willing to stay in my neighborhood and not go to the mall anymore. I think that Omri would be happier at home which is hard for me because I think that right now I'd really like to be in Israel. At the end of the day, I don't have enough infomation and I need to see what this operation in Gaza looks like in about a week. It's hard to let such a huge decison remain undecided but its probably a healthy exercise for Omri and I who generally prefer to decide everything years in advance.

Yesterday mom and I went to the seaside to tovel my dishes (dunking them in open water which makes them kosher). It was fun and goofy and she took great pictures which I'll post up after Shabbat! She said she was wondering what passers-by would think we were doing and she decided the most likely answer they'd come up with was that we were homeless lol

Today I cooked a huge Shabbos meal for everyone. It was SO much fun. Here's the menu:
1st course: gefilte fish, homemade challah, hummus, and salad
2nd course: chicken soup with noodles
3rd course: potato kugel, roasted chicken with veggies, baked sweet potato
4th course: homemade healthy carrot cake

And there's cholent for tomorrow!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE cooking all day. It's so relaxing and rewarding and fun. I can't wait to have a house of my own to operate like this.

Ok time for a shower and cleaning.

All my love,
Katie

Happy Chanukah!

2008-12-26T13:47:00.002+02:00

Wow. What a week!

Last Shabbos we had a Shabbaton (a community Shabbat) with Midreshet Rachel v'Chaya. My roommate Rebecca gave a beautiful d'var Torah and there were a lot of students speaking about the Torah portion. It was really great. Unfortunately I was pretty sick but it was nice to have all my meals just down the street with people I knew. We had a bunch of girls sleeping in our apartment because one of the school's apartments is too far to walk. It was cool to have everyone together. It was also my last time seeing a few of the girls who went home this week. Weird to see another changing of the guards here at school. The dynamic changes so much.

Chanukah began on Sunday night. I was a little nervous, because last time we had a holiday in Jerusalem I found it to be totally stressful and overwhelming. (That was really because I was in charge of placing the girls for all their holiday meals, but I associated it with the holiday.) Chanukah is such a beautiful holiday... all about acknowledging the miracles around us and being grateful for them. We commemorate the military victory over the Greeks... but the miracle we remember is the oil that burned for 8 nights. The Greeks were defeated militarily, but more importantly they were defeated spiritually. They wanted to wipe Judaism out, but on Chanukah they failed.

There were a lot of Jews that wanted to be like Greeks. They gave up their Jewish names, clothing, and traditions to fit into Greek culture. Had all Jews done that, there might not be be Judaism today. Last night Omri and I went to a hotel to visit with some college students on the same trip he did last summer. After living in Israel for six months and being surrounded by people who made their decisions based on Torah, it was so interesting to see people who made their decisions based largely on Western culture and Hollywood. They were amazing... it's so cool to see people who are just starting to ask the big questions and to hear what they are confused about, what they like, what they don't like...

Omri and I also saw our Rabbi (Rabbi Lawrence) who was here on a trip with the JEC. We skipped class and went up to the seminary where his students were in class and sat with him for hours going over all the things on our mind. He helped us by showing us what is not worth worrying about because it's out of our control. It was great to see him.

Other than that, Omri and I have spent a lot of time together going downtown, seeing Jerusalem during Chanukah. It's really beautiful. I got to do my holiday shopping and we went from the most secular area with bars and teenagers and fancy stores to the most religious areas. They're a ten minute walk from one another, and worlds apart.

I'm all packed and can't wait to be home! I leave right after Shabbat so it will be interesting over Shabbat trying to focus on being in the present and not packing or planning for the trip.

All my love,
Katie

Jewish arts and artists...

2008-12-25T00:33:00.001+02:00

My Rabbi at NYU recently responded to my request and sent me copies of some lectures he gave and articles he used to a Jewish artist fellowship. Writing out my email in response to his articles gave me some clarity about the issues on my mind in the arena of Judaism and art, so I thought I'd share them here...

While I am interested in all aspects of the art world, the bulk of my experience is with acting and the issues with Jewish arts are distinct in this case. So while my personal questions relate also to directing and writing, I'm mainly focused here on the issues that present the Jewish actor.

Rav Feinstein's tshuva was the hardest to read of all the articles I received. (Rav Feinstein writes that it's a problem to be in a play as they often portray illicit relationships or take acts like murder lightly.) While it seems pretty far-fetched to say that if I play a murderer I'm going to think that that's okay and go out and murder, what he says has a foundation in (of course) Judaism and (perhaps more surprisingly) acting theory.

In our Mussar class we are studying Rambam's writings on Mussar (I need to find out exactly where this comes from). Recently we read his idea that to change our bad middos (character traits) we need to practice the other extreme, many times, over a long period of time. The example given is that a miserly person should give a bit too much until they have balanced out and are generous, but neither miserly nor a spendthrift.

In my training I heard over and over that action begets feeling and feeling begets personality. Be on time. Always be on time. Even for things that really don't matter--because it will help you to become--to change into--a punctual person. On stage, we see the same idea. Isn't the classic director's line, "again"? There's good reason for that. Repetition of a phrase and gesture internalize the feeling until the feeling comes freely with the action (hopefully in time for performance). Very Pavlovian. So my biggest issue with the concept of a Jewish actor playing in a show that defies Torah values is that I've seen no logical argument that can "disprove" this concept that the repetition of this part won't have a bad impact on the character of the actor.

My second question is the issue of priorities. Am I a Jewish actor or a Jew who acts? (Or directs, writes...) Do I take what I have learned from Judaism and bring this fresh perspective back to my stage, or do I re-learn to view the stage from this new perspective of a religious Jew? Priorities state the latter, but I'm unsure if that's the best use of me. Perhaps, as a religious Jew, I find a religious obligation to engage in "secular" theater (I don't really think such a thing exists... artists are avidly religious in their own way). This needs more thinking.

My final problem is the position of theater artist within a community. Community is very important in Judaism. As an artist, my learning always showed me that the artist/storyteller/clown was the position of the outsider or "other." The artist is in the classic position of just beyond the walls of the home, looking in on the family. Or in our case, just outside the eruv, looking in at the community :) Does this unique position afford the artist the "luxury" of maintaining absolute purity, avoiding the stage and it's inherent grime? If our position is to reflect back truth to others, then when it's not a nice truth we maintain our obligation to reflect. This makes us a vehicle of something base... and if actions beget feelings and feelings personality... it follows that we then become base. I have met some very unhealthy actors who always chose to play unhealthy characters. There's no coincidence there. It seems to me that Hashem chooses His artists carefully. (While everyone is artistic to some degree, not everyone is the Artist/the outsider/the Enneagram Type 4... whichever label works.) He knows that this makes us somehow different, impatient with the status quo. Again, if we are designed differently, where does this leave us in terms of the community?

In response to the NYU Rabbi's ideas about the need for Jewish organizations to provide a substantial link between Judaism and art... for sure there is something much richer in Judaism than Jewish a-capella will ever provide, as nice as it is. Jewish art has more potential than an event of a group of Jews who happen to be doing art together. And I think the students must know that. I recently told my Rosh Midrasha in a meeting that I had trouble thinking of leaving theater because, before I got to Israel, actors were the most spiritual, searching people I'd ever met. The issue arises, I think, when you find one truth conflicting so drastically to another. I see "truth" in Shakespeare. And I think it conflicts with the truth I see in Torah (this needs more thought, also).

Probably good to go to bed now. Just a few thoughts that need to be muddled through. Wish me luck!

2008-12-19T16:01:00.002+02:00

Hello again!

This week was another doosy. I am slowly slowly getting over a killer cold/flu bug that I caught just a few days after getting over last week's sickness. The germs here are Powerful. It's like they know they're in the Middle East and have to be fighters.

But that negative news leads me into good news!! I will be going home for TWO WEEKS! My gorgeous, wise, and endlessly charismatic mother and amazing and generous stepfather are coming to the rescue over my poor mental and physical health and bringing me back to the Florida sunshine to recuperate for a few weeks. It is badly needed and will be so great in terms of catching up and sharing all this AMAZING knowledge I've been getting here.

This week we talked about one of my favourite Jewish concepts. In Judaism, time is not really considered linear. It is considered cyclical and progressive... imagine a coil or slinky. Every year we pass through the same "areas" of time--around the New Year is a time for renewal and repentance, Tisha B'Av is a time of destruction and mourning, and Pesach/Passover is a time of freedom. The beautiful thing about this is not moving forward, but moving backwards. The rabbis say, Pesach isn't when it is because that's when we escaped from Egypt. We escaped from Egypt because it was Pesach--the time of freedom. I don't know if I made this sound so cool but it's really cool when the right person explains it!

What else..

The music is playing over the loudspeakers to let the Jerusalemites know that Shabbat is coming in soon.

I also wanted to say a really amazing thing about our rabbis. It seems simple, but whenever someone drops something in class, the Rabbi stops his class and gets it for them so that they can take notes. To contrast this to a university class... I could never imagine a University professor stopping class to pick up a dropped book for a student. They would usually see that as beneath them or demeaning. These Rabbis never hesitate to take the opportunity to help a student learn better... they love to do the good deed. It's a really beautiful thing and, since we have a few pretty clumsy girls in school, one that I get to see quite a lot :)

Finally, this $50 scam on Wall St (apparently about 49 billion of that was Jewish money) has really been hard on the Jewish community. Yeshivas, universities, and seminaries like where I am are all feeling the hurt. We are trying to be extra careful with our use of heating and electricity to make sure we don't spend any money we don't really need to. It's crazy that these things happened one on top of another. I hope that one day I have lots of money and can donate it to my school because they work so hard on such a shoestring budget and they really turn peoples lives around in such an amazing way... its so admirable.

We have a Shabbaton this weekend... the whole school is staying at the two apartments in our neighborhood and we are having speakers and activities and big group meals. I'm really excited to hear my roommate of 5 months, Rebecca, give her D'var Torah (speech on the Torah portion). She's going to be amazing! And she gets extra points for her adorable Australian accent :)

Shabbat Shalom everyone! I hope you get some rest and reflection time and are all prepared to begin the next week refreshed and reinvigorated! I have more "r" words if you want them...

Oh, last thing!
I finished editing a book for a rabbi in the neighborhood. It's all about recognizing G-d's hand in our lives, especially when we are faced with difficulties. It's been a great read and a lot of fun. And after 260+ pages, I'm pretty excited that I actually finished!!!

Lots of love,
Kate

Three random tests... two career suggestions in common... probably doesn't mean anything anyway...

2008-12-18T12:48:00.001+02:00

http://similarminds.com
You are a Guide, possible professions include - career counselor, psychologist, educational consultant, special education teacher, librarian, artist, playwright, novelist/poet, editor/art director, information-graphics, designer, HRM manager, merchandise planner, environmental lawyer, marketer, job analyst, mental health counselor, dietitian/nutritionist, research, educational consultant, architects, interpreter/translator.

http://www.personalitypage.com
Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:
* Clergy / Religious Work
* Teachers
* Medical Doctors / Dentists
* Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
* Psychologists
* Psychiatrists
* Counselors and Social Workers
* Musicians and Artists
* Photographers
* Child Care / Early Childhood Development

CareerFitter.com (this is just about every job ever...)
Computer programmer
Computer software designer
Data base manager
New market or product conceptualizer
Research and development specialist
Strategic planner
Systems analyst
Biomedical engineer
Cardiologist
Neurologist
Pharmacologist
Psychiatrist
Psychologist
Attorney
Business analyst
Economist
Engineer
Financial analyst
Investment analyst
Judge
Management consultant
Manager
News analyst
News writer
Academic curriculum designer
College faculty administrator
College professor
Historian
Mathematician
Researcher
Architect
Artist
Editorial writer
Inventor
Photographer
Writer

Update

2008-12-12T15:43:00.002+02:00

Hello everybody!

So I don't know if this will last beyond this week but who knows. I thought it might be nice to try to write a weekly email before Shabbat (Jewish Sabbath) to update my friends and family about life here in Jerusalem. I was trying to blog but blogging is weird because if you don't know who you're talking to how do you know what to write?

So, this week wasn't quite the average week at my school. It was actually pretty stressful! During the week we have (by my last count) 22 classes a week-a few of which repeat two or three times a week and are only counted once. So we are in class steadily from 9 AM to anywhere from 5:45 to 9 PM depending on the day. On Thursday we are out early for our required chessed project (chessed means kindness--we choose a sort of community service project. Some girls do things like working in soup kitchens or tutoring kids with special needs.) I help out with the daughter of my Rabbi who had her first two children right away when she got married. She manages fine but going over is definitely helpful. She is just as helpful to me as I may be for her. I hang out with the babies or do dishes and she answers all sorts of questions for me about Judaism, motherhood, etc.

Anyway, this week one of my teachers was alone at home with her youngest because her husband and another son were in America to help move a family member into a nursing home. Her youngest is an eight year old with autism and it's hard for her to be there alone. So a friend of mine and I traded off nights staying over and keeping her company and helping with her son. This is theoretically a really easy one but somehow I found this chessed very stressful. I had also just moved rooms and aquired a new roommate so I was really longing to sleep in my own (new) bed! Anyway, I think we managed to be helpful so that's the important part.

This week one of the things we're learning about is anger and bearing a grudge (both of which are against Jewish law). It's really interesting to see how people react to being told that they need to give up their grudges. It reminds me of being in middle school when me and my friends all felt that what made us strong was that once we were crossed we never forgave. Now I realize that that was weakness. The lowest level is to let yourself be walked all over. The next level is to hold a grudge and defend yourself. The highest level is to realize that you can't stand in that person's shoes and that you must ultimately find a way to forgive them.

On Wednesday we had an extra fun day. We went on a tiyul (field trip) to the Neot Kedumim Biblical Nature Reserve and we saw what the land would have looked like during the days of the earlier Jewish settlers--during the time of the Maccabees and the Chanukah story. This was about the 2nd Century BCE which is actually quite far into the story of the Jews in Israel. It's amazing how long we've been here and what a miracle it was that we could come back--and within 5 years of the Holocaust. Imagine what a difference it would have been if Israel had become a state just a few years earlier. 6 Million Jews and their legacies would never have perished.

After that we had a party for two girls who finished studying one of the books of the Prophets (all in Hebrew! They also studied the commentaries in Hebrew!). One of the girls just lost her mother so it was done in her honor and we had a big meal to commemorate the end of shloshim (the first 30 days of mourning, which have the strictest restrictions).

I've also been working on proofreading/editing a book by a Rabbi in Har Nof which is GREAT but I had forgotten that I had another week to proofread and got very stressed, thinking I only had a few days. I wound up catching the MRC virus by Thursday and stayed home all day.

This morning I got to go help out around my friend Malka's house to help her prepare for Shabbos--and this is the first Shabbos that Omri and I will be going to her! We're stoked to get to spend Friday night with them. And Saturday we have a really cool Shabbat lunch that Omri lined up.

Final note: halfway through this email we got a knock on the door. The woman next door apparently just had a baby and this is her first Shabbat with the new baby. Although the entire community came to bring her food, nobody had time to help her with dishes and tidying, which she's too exhausted to do. Her friend came and knocked on our door to see if anybody was available to help. Luckily, I had time so I got to go over and meet some of her family and see the baby and do some more dishes. She felt awful for accepting help, which is too bad, because it's fun to help and she deserves it. Anyway, I love this community when I see how much people care about everyone else. Her friend was so sweet for coming over and asking for one of us to go help--she would have herself but she has her own family to cook for. Oh, and they invited me to their shalom zachor (welcome party for a new baby boy) tonight. So sweet.

Ok, time to change and do hair and makeup.

Shabbat Shalom!

Kate

PS
Now that I see how long this email is I feel kinda bad sending it out to some of the friends I was going to. I'll post it to the blog and just send to immediate family :)

PPS
Pictures from our field trip are on facebook!

Decisons... part 2

2008-11-20T22:39:00.001+02:00

Ok so daddy dearest recommended that I think about my priorities in a job and see if that helps me make a decision. Actually he said it in a much fancier way... I need to "rank my decision criteria." Woah.

The only problem with this is that, just like my career preference, my priorities in a job also change constantly. Sheesh.

Maybe I'll just write out a few possibilities to see where it gets me...

Opportunity to further my education, helping others, having my own say to a large degree, flexible options for mothers, a job that leaves me feeling good at the end of the day, creative opportunity, working with people I respect and can learn from, working with people with good values, time off, good pay, time off in the summers, not too much more schooling, an "organized" day, ability to take off time and/or change careers without having invested so much that I'm stuck...

Ok I'll organize it later.

Work work work...

2008-11-18T19:10:00.001+02:00

So I know I shouldn't be worrying about it right now. I have the rest of my year here in Israel to continue to explore who I am, what I care about, what I stand for, what strengths I want to employ, and what kind of environment I want to spend my days in. This is no time to be worrying about where I'll be next Fall.

So you tell that to my subconscious.

So just to get it out of my head and onto "paper" and make Julia Cameron proud...
Here, in no particular order, is the nonsensical, unconnected, and ill-researched list of careers battling it out in my mind whenever a teacher takes a pregnant pause:

1. Go back to the world of my last job: Jewish non-profits.

Pros: kosher food, easy access to Rabbis and learning, generally a supportive environment, no issues with Shabbat or holidays, clearly a subject that holds interest with me, more likely to be on the laid-back side and definitely a cause I can get behind. G-d willing I'll be getting married in the not-incredibly-distant future and this job is likely to give me enough peace of mind to focus on building a home and accepting stray socks on the floor.

Cons: I have trouble being excited about any job that requires no specific education from me. Unless I'm using my year in Israel (which is very doubtful) then I have no specific training in Jewish non-profits other than my half-year spent there. I'd rather do something that either uses my degree (Drama) or requires additional training from me, partly because then I'm not as likely to be working with other people who just walked in off the street. Also, the non-profit world can be the biggest headache and has no advantages when it comes to compensation. Little opportunity to create any programming or give much input. Lots of mind-numbing tasks.

2. Teach for America

Pros: Giving back to NYC, teaching, generally getting off earlier in the day, summers off, decent pay, challenging, no commitment to "becoming a teacher," another cause I can get behind. Personally in control of lesson plans, projects, etc. Plus I'm a geek for school, so I'd probably like that. A chance to explore a field that would be VERY good for my lifestyle. Amazing benefits in the long term.

Cons: Headaches and heartbreaks. Horror stories from the teachers and horror stories on behalf of the students, stuck with a largely undertrained teacher. Stress and frustration during what might be the first year of my marriage which is not something I want to bring into my home.

2a. Get a masters in teaching

Pros: All the good stuff about teaching, but bypassing the inner-city potential nightmare.

Cons: Making a commitment to a field I don't know. Slightly less noble than doing TFA.

3. The Theater World

Pros: Amazing people. Using my degree. A field I love. Literature, lighting, acting... love it. Wouldn't get that nervous feeling of regret I'd get going into any other field. Constant change of scenery (no pun intended). Working with people who are asking questions. Authentic people. Different jobs. Constant learning. Working project-to-project means I can take time off when I want and have kids when I want.

Cons: I have no idea what this really means... the Theater World? I don't want to act anymore. I'd love to direct. I'd love to be involved with a company. Maybe write. I don't want to do anything that requires me being in on Shabbat (lights, stage management). No pay, no consistency, much less experience backstage than onstage. Lots of people who are twisted and value-less.

4. Go back to school and pursue a Psych PhD or a PsyD.

Pros: Becoming an expert in a field that is interesting to me. Furthering my education. The opportunity to counsel and teach at a uni level. Having an impact on the field of mental health. A job that wouldn't specifically make it difficult to make aliyah should I ever go crazy enough. Counseling can be good money. Helping people.

Cons: A LOT more school. Very competitive. Lots of horror stories about being a woman/becoming a mother in such a competitive field. Would have to invest in a post-bacc, only after which would I have a really clear idea if this is the field for me.

4a. Go back to school and pursue a Masters in Counseling or a MSW.

Pros: helping people, interesting field, get to go back to school.

Cons: again, making a commitment to a field before I know for sure how I feel about it. Might still need to get a post bacc. Only working one-on-one when I enjoy teamwork.

...and this is where I almost always come to the point of, "Thank G-d I have several months to learn and grow and change before I need to make this decision!" Which I guess was the point from the beginning.

But any ideas, advice, or good jokes would be appreciated.

Update

2008-10-19T19:07:00.001+02:00

So I was really supposed to write about our anniversary dinner two and a half months ago... so here's just an update.

Anniversary

Omri took me out for the nicest 2 year anniversary dinner. It was so nice because he really thought everything out in advance and planned it so carefully and made sure to make me comfortable and happy the whole time. The restaurant was sort of a Spanish theme with like eight different courses. Everything was huge portions. Oh, and O
mri bought us a bottle of red wine because he knows that that's a really nice treat for me. Here's our toast! (I'm showing off the yummy meat... not so ladylike I guess.)

Sukkot in Jerusalem

Amazing Shabbat
We went to Shabbat at one of Omri's Rabbi's houses and it was so lovely! I walked in and the place felt very homey right away. Within five minutes the Rabbi and I realized we'd been born in the same hospital in the Berkshires! That's when I placed the familiar feeling: the decoration reminded me of the way our house had been when I was teeny tiny. He was a third or fourth generation Berkshires man, it was incredible. We had a funny moment when he responded to my comment that he was real American stock and he said, "yep, a real Yankee." I got all nervous thinking that the Berkshires had somehow bred a Yankees fan. But, thank goodness, he just meant "American."

Another great connection was that he and his wife were very involved in the lives of Rabbi Deyo (one of the Rabbis that Omri and I are close to in NYC) and his wife and it was such a nice connection. He told me stories about them. I love people who are interested in people, like Rabbi Kaufman and his wife. It reminded me about being at the Shabbos table with Rabbi Sarna. They really want to know everybody's story and have so much respect and admiration for where people come from. It makes everyone feel so special. And, really, everyone's story really is incredible and inspirational and it almost becomes the Dvar Torah of the meal when a story is told with the right amount of appreciation and respect.

In other news, my friend Malka had a baby boy! He is absolutely beautiful. She's two for two now, because her older, Tehila, is the sweetest toddler ever. Here's her playing with Omri:

Today I was at Lynn's cooking for five and a half hours (!) in preparation for the night of learning
Chessed: be the change you want to make; becoming the person I want to be and how it's going

another bt...

2008-10-05T20:09:00.002+02:00

Nikki has been my friend since high school when we both competed in interp. (Sorry for outing you, Nik.) We lived a four hour drive away from one another but saw eachother constantly at competitions and shared many of the same friends.

One thing that made Nikki special is that she was one of my few friends from Miami that wasn't Cuban. Or Catholic. Despite our best intentions, going to college in the same city didn't make it as easy for us to see each other all the time like we'd thought. Moving to NYC for college requires lots of baby steps. At first, your entire existence takes place within a 10 block radius of your apartment (at best) with perhaps the occasional trip to Times Square. Each year the radius gets bigger to include the rest of Manhattan, the other boroughs... so it took us a while before the trip between Columbia and NYU was any better than Orlando to Miami. But we manage to have a low maintenance friendship. (Come to think of it, most of my friendships are low maintenance. Probably because I'm lazy.)

I don't remember the first time we talked about Judaism, but I do remember a consistant loving tug coming at me from Miami: you're mom is Jewish, Kate, and that makes you Jewish. You need to find out what that means. Happy Chanukkah, Kate, are you celebrating? Kate, the High Holy Days are coming up, why don't you come down to Miami and come to synagogue with me? You're Jewish. It's time to find out what this means.

And I always had an excuse. My parents wouldn't want me to go to Miami. How would I get there? I was too busy in school. Nobody else in my family cared that we were Jewish, why should I?

By freshman year of college it was harder to come up with excuses. I made myself busy and avoided her calls during the holidays. I called her afterwords with apologies and promises to meet up for drinks. Having not yet yet mastered upper Manhattan, I didn't make good on those promise, either.

My mother's sister came from Toronto and we went to visit her friend, a songwriter, a Holocaust survivor who wrote haunting music that didn't suit the Bronx. I went with my aunt to see her on Shabbat. Stella knew Yiddish and was involved with the Jewish community in Toronto, but knowing we'd both be basically ignorant together, I was bolder. We went with Beyle to her shul, a tiny building with a mechitza that was more wall than anything. She and I flipped through a siddur, enjoying the look of the Hebrew and the sound of the prayers. We whispered and giggled and got several amused and curious glances from the regulars. After the services, we made our way with Beyle to the kiddush. The Rabbi, grinning, told us where to hide our purses (which we had no idea we shouldn't have been carying). It seemed like it had been ages since anyone at this shul had had a new person come daven. Stella was her charismatic self all though kiddush and everyone laughed and joked and watched her with delight.

Sophmore year, Nikki called again before High Holy Days. Again, I didn't go. But this time I wasn't going to be able to get away with it. A month later I was fed up with feeling like a coward and signed up for a 3 day Jewish learning weekend with NYU.

Three years later, I'm in Har Nof, talking to Nikki just as rarely as ever. But when we do talk, she hears about my classes at sem and I hear about her fabulous NYC life.

She doesn't ask me anymore to come to services but wishes me an automatic Shana Tova. We've come a long way, love. So come to Jerusalem and I'll buy you that drink. :)

Last day before school's back aaaand... anniversary!!

2008-08-31T07:34:00.001+03:00

The air is starting to take on that back-to-school feel!

Ok, it's not the air, for sure because this is the desert and I've never gone back to school in the desert, but I'm definitely getting that feeling. And that feeling makes you take deep breaths and go, "ah, it feels like fall" even when it doesn't.

Today is the last day before the Elul Zman (next semester) starts up. We have an AMAZING schedule and I'm really excited to be back in learning and filling my days up with thinking and growing and learning and fresh new notebooks :) Ok yeah I'm a huge dork.

Here are my favorite hilights (let's see if they end up being my favorite classes): Maharal (with our Dean), Chassidut, Ulpan (spoken Hebrew class), Hilchot Shabbat (the laws of Shabbat), Intro to Mussar (character development) with Rabbi Shurin (our Rosh Midrasha), Issues in Jewish Contemporary Society, and our Chessed project! I'm definitely excited about this schedule.

So, a few days ago I sent a message to my friend Maayan, an Israeli, who recently moved to Jersusalem. Maayan is a brilliantly artistic kinda gal who I was fortunate enough to room with last summer. I told her I desperately wanted to do something artistic.

Be careful what you ask for.

The festival was at the Jerusalem Theater. It was open-air, with a stage and screen. On stage was a clown (who was not really a clown) doing something like clowning... or interpretive dance? In this picture he is at the lefthand side of the stage, rowing in a large hat. The audio is a littleish girl reading nonsensical Israeli children's poems. The screen (this was really cool) is the projected board of a woman off-stage who is "painting" the images of the story with what seemed to be sand. You can see her hand, along with the boat and dolphin she drew. After a scene, she'd just smear it all away and start again.

After the sand-clown-poetry show, we had a band which everyone seemed to like, although I was very quickly losing altitude since I was midway through a cold I picked up on Leadership. The last act was sortof like a marching band... but awesome. An exuberant drummer, lots of brass, and a big ol' tuba. You can't be sad when someone's playing the tuba. Afterwords, Maayan, Shay, Omri and I went out to have cake and drinks (apple cider and rum is amazing when you're sick!).

Yesterday was Shabbat. It was really lovely. Omri gave all the details in his blog so I'll just add my favorite details. After lunch, Rebecca, Omri and I went to the park and went through a book I bought recently called Awareness which is about the Enneagram, but tailoring it to the Jewish reader. We went through and found out what our types were (Omri's a Seven, Rebecca's a Nine, and I'm a Four) and then read to eachother what that meant. It was really fun and took up a whole afternoon anybody needing a shluff! During our third meal picnic in the park, Rebecca brought Rays of the Sun and gave a lovely D'var Torah about the importance of giving tzadakah (charity) by speaking kindly in addition to the literal giving. Kudos Rebecca!

I actually got up without hitting the snooze button ONCE today! I'm really excited about that. I went out and did a whole session on Yoga Today. Now if I can just maintain this during the school year...

Shavuah tov!

One reason to love Israel...

2008-08-26T20:19:00.001+03:00

Today I discovered a good reason to enjoy living in Israel... which is not to say that I find living here easy--or even consistently enjoyable. But I gotta say, I had a great experience at the hospital today.

What's that? The hospital?

Ok, well, to be less dramatic, the Terem. It's an ER that only deals with small injuries that are not immediate. This is an incredible system as it allows immediate care for people who can't wait to see a doctor or who need X-Rays but keeps them out of the ERs that deal with major life-or-death traumas. The ER ran really nicely, everyone spoke English (which I'm embarrassed to rely so heavily on, but thank G-d I didn't need any Hebrew today!).

So, in our attempt to find cheap entertainment, Omri and I went to the OU Israel Center last night and caught their free Hitchcock double feature (The Cheney Vase and The Man Who Knew Too Much) with about 20 octogenarians. Other than the loud commentary from all angles, the sometimes-skipping DVD, and the disproportionately large number of people eating sandwiches out of plastic bags, it was an enjoyable experience. I really liked The Cheney Vase. But (take away my Tisch diploma if you must) I'd rather watch The Man Who Knew Too Little.

On the way back from the theater, my ankle, which has been bothering me on and off for about a month, started to seriously hurt. To the point where I couldn't really put any weight on it by the end of the evening. The small area that had been bothering me a month earlier was now gaining ground and causing searing pain from just below my knee to the bottom of my heel.

I hate going to the doctor.

Last night, Omri made me promise to go.

So, ok, today I went to the nice doctor in Har Nof and he referred me to Terem. They took X-Rays, checked me out, and sent me on my way with a bandaged foot and advice of how to make it heal faster (namely, stop walking on it). Here's a cool memento: I got to take my X-Rays home in a DVD! Never had that happen before.

Now we have to figure out ways to enjoy Israel on the cheap, when we're not allowed in each other's apartments, and now... WITHOUT HAVING TO WALK. This won't be easy. Any advice is appreciated.

Back up again...

2008-08-24T22:15:00.000+03:00

Ok I'm not going to do that again. Bli neder. This time the blog stays.

So the first couple months in Jerusalem have been... have been what? Have been
Educational
Inspirational
Frustrating
Hot
Moving
Exhausting...
Among other things. Omri and I moved to Jerusalem (into our respective schools) then a few weeks later I was off on one trip, back to school, then off to staff another trip. The second trip just ended and I have a brief vacation before I'm back to school September 1st (which is also my 2 year anniversary with Omri!).

Here is a picture of Har Nof to give a small idea of the beauty of this neighborhood. The buildings are built up the side of a mountain, all in Jerusalem stone. The community is speckled with several playgrounds. The top of the hill is where Neve Yerushalayim and the super-frummies live, and as you go down the hill you start to see, progressively, more and more color choices in the residents' wardrobe, the velvet kippot start to mix with knit, and if you go far enough down you even can see... a few women in pants *gasp!*

Perhaps one of the few things more beautiful than Har Nof is the view from Har Nof. We face directly West and get to see the sun setting over the Jerusalem forest every night. It's breathtaking.

The Leadership Trip. The trip was phenominal. We were so lucky to get to meet, in person, Rabbi Grossman of Migdal Or. I can't imagine how anyone could be holier than this man. His humility, in the face of his outrageous degree of accomplishment, was astounding. This man began with an 18 child orphanage and now runs an entire TOWN with hundreds of thousands of kids whose parents couldn't afford to give them a good upbringing. The meeting left everybody speechless. He spoke of the miracles ("uncanny experiences" for the secular of heart) that allowed him to accomplish all he has and it really drove the point home that when you're doing the right thing, everything falls into place. You get help. But his ability to step up whenever he heard of a need was perhaps the most remarkable thing. And this theme was repeated over and over... I loved (and needed the experience of) meeting with people who were driven. They saw a need, a job, a calling, and up they got and went and got it done. No assessing the situation, no crunching numbers... they just did it. And it works out. If only we could apply this to every area of our life. Can you imagine? What kind of world this would be?

We had some more... unusual Leadership experiences. Camping out at the Shlomi Guest House. Learning to shoot handguns and Uzis at a gun range... my mother the pacifist didn't like the picture of me with the gun so here's a tamer one: me hitting the marks. But I do have to say, the pink Tshirt and headband and 12-year-old-looking-face were hilarious next to a big scary gun. But it was big and scary... my hands were trembling.

There's so much catch-up I should do, writing about Jerusalem so far, Legacy and Leadership... but instead I'm going to just try to commit to keeping this more up to date from here on. It's not really interesting anymore, what happened up to this point.

It's so difficult and fascinating to try and figure out what art means to the Torah and what Torah means to art. I said I came here to get some questions and figure out who I was and I can definitely see that happening. So. Many. Questions. I just wish I could get my hands on some artistic outlets here so that all these questions, issues, and beautiful concepts could materialize somehow.

It's great to be back in Jerusalem, in my bed, in my apartment. Omri and I had a great little date today. We went to the mall, talked ourselves silly, wandered, ate, and saw Mama Mia. Which was adorable and so much fun. Movies are such a form of therapy to me here. I never felt the need for them like I do now. I don't know if that's because I miss the States or because I'm not making any work of my own for the first time in my life. But either way, I'm finding new ways to love film which, in my eyes, is a bonus. And thank G-d for Hulu.com.